God will give you more than you can handle: I guarantee it.

There’s a certain phrase I’ve come to really dislike.

All my life, I’ve heard this phrase whenever I go through a rough patch. *And by rough patch, I mean a prickly, gnarly patch that leaves me bleeding to near death*. You’re probably familiar with those kinds of “patches”.

“God will never give you more than you can handle” is the phrase I’m referring to.

more than to bear

And it’s a sweet sentiment, really. The people who say it are speaking from caring and concerned hearts.

BUT–it isn’t true.

I know that sounds harsh, but I promise I haven’t suddenly lost my mind or have become an angry-with-God bitter woman who hates the world. Actually, when I realized the simple fact that God can–and will–give us more than we can possibly bear, it got easier.

And it all started to make more sense.

I’ve often trudged through trials that overwhelm me. Ever since my childhood there have been trials that have made me “grow up” pretty fast. But granted, I know for a fact you’ve had your own fair share too, because that’s the reality of life. But this last trial is the one that shook me to my core and had me searching like a mad woman for answers as to why it was happening–and how I could possibly even survive it.

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I lost my Dad to cancer last month–if you’re a follower of mine, this is old news. But–it was absolutely horrific.

Every day leading up to his death was like walking through every level of hell–slowly– for lack of a better term. There’s no other way to describe it. The images…the sounds…the sleepless nights…the cries for God while we look on, helpless…the torment of rubbing morphine in his cheeks, praying it’ll absorb–but to no avail. The horrible, wrenching pain that came with lifting him up, laying him back down, lifting him up, laying him back down…because he became so restless and cried out for “home” every few minutes. And all along, in the back of my mind, I reminded myself that millions of people go through this, and have already gone through this, very thing. And it is simply unbearable. If you disagree–it’s because you haven’t been there.

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This trial was so consuming that I hate to even put it in the past tense–sometimes it still consumes me. Yesterday, at my Dad’s memorial service, it consumed me all over again.

I’ve suffered from nightmares where I relived the memory over and over mercilessly–I sometimes see his face on strangers that pass and worry that I’m going crazy. I cry over sad songs in the car and torture myself with stacks of pictures and yellowed photo albums. It’s beyond just missing him. And even with a firm testimony of the gospel and with peace that he is exactly where the Lord prepared him for, it is still too much for me to handle at times. It steals my breath–and it can steal my joy.

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So, the other day, I turned to the scriptures. I needed help.

I wanted to know where that phrase was that people kept repeating to me in church and at work and over the phone. Why did the Lord “trust me so much”?! Why did He think I could handle these kinds of trials?

And then I realized: I couldn’t find that quote because it isn’t there.

It never mentions anywhere in the scriptures that the Lord won’t give you more than you can handle. Yes, in 1 Corinthians 10:13 it speaks of Him giving us an escape from temptations so that it’s not too much to bear. But when it comes to pain, trials, heartache, and burdens– not once does it say it won’t be more than we can bear. Instead, it beautifully says this instead:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me…for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11: 28-30)

carrying man

The words struck my heart, as you can imagine. Christ is speaking to those of us who are carrying burdens much too heavy for our own shoulders. And in that one verse he simply states the reason why we are given more than we can handle: It’s so we can come to him. It’s so we can trust him enough to hand over our heavy, crippling burdens and let him carry the load.

You might be heavy laden right now like I was before reading and re-reading and re-reading once again this scripture that has never stuck out to me as much as it has lately.

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You might be shrunken with sadness or drowning in debt. You might be overwhelmingly angry at someone at church or aching under the pressures of raising children or maybe the inability to have them. You might be dealing with a terminal disease and you still have young children. And chances are–you might need your Redeemer to find you on the path and take up that heavy cross you’re dragging. Besides, even he tells us that he’s more equipped to carry it, so why not hand it over?

I’ve come to learn–slowly but surely–why I need Him.

I suppose it’s because of pride that I always thought I could just do things on my own. I’m strong, I’d say. I’m a tough cookie. I can help others through their tribulations while carrying mine all by myself. Well…wasn’t I wrong.

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I didn’t really know what needing him meant until I had no other choice. I didn’t know what it meant until I wrapped my arms around my middle so I wouldn’t fall apart–or the time I choked on tears and yelled toward Heaven. Or the times when I was utterly alone, and the silence was too much to bear. Those are the times that taught me he’s not just a want or a convenient symbol of love or a reason to do good deeds.

No, he’s the very air we breathe.

And he’s the only one who can make it bearable when life is simply anything but.

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2,025 thoughts on “God will give you more than you can handle: I guarantee it.

  1. Thank you for posting this. I had heard that quote so many times that it made me want to scream. I do feel your pain. My mom was diagnosed with cancer just after Christmas last year. While I was visiting her in January, my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We have 3 special needs children. Two are autistic (one severely autistic, non-verbal, and self-abusive, the other mildly autistic accompanied with mild to moderate depression) and one with chronic migraines, major depressive disorder, etc. I thought my plate was overflowing before the two cancer diagnoses, so I couldn’t understand how God could possibly think that this wasn’t “more than I could handle.” I, too, tried to find the quote in the Bible and only found the Corinthians verse. One day a friend shared a link to a quote that said:

    “God doesn’t give us what we can handle, He helps us handle what we’ve been given.”

    I don’t know that this is statement is necessarily any more true than the other, but it made a difference in how I viewed God’s roll in all of this. Like the verse in Matthew, it allows us to view God and Jesus Christ as being there to help us through our trials, rather than simply heaping them upon us until we reach our breaking point. It is only through my faith in the Lord, and my Savior, that I have made it through this year. As my mother lies on her death bed, 2300 miles away from me, I am grateful for my testimony, and my belief that although I will never see her again in this life, that we will eventually be reunited as a family, if we live righteously.

    I know that we share a common faith. I pray that peace will fill us both as we face the trials that have been given to us. Reach out to those around you, ask for a blessing, do those things that will bolster your spirit. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your dad’s life. I KNOW that is far easier said than done. I am trying to do this now as my mom lies in agony. (She wasn’t supposed to live past August this past year, according to the doctors.) Let your sisters serve you in what ever way they can. They will be blessed as much as you are. I have certainly learned that lesson the hard way this year. Thanks again for posting this.

    ♥Julie

  2. That was so helpful. I watched my mother suffer and die from cancer and even though it was seven years ago I am still not over it. I am better but I still replay her final days in my mind. She thought I was her mommy and begged me to make her feel better. The last thing she said to me and my children was I love you.

    • To “hand it over” means to open your heart to Jesus. He will lead you where you need to go. Let Jesus into your heart as He is the ultimate healer.

    • I want to direct you to a wonderful little book that will answer this for you. It is called “Jesus Today” by Sarah Young. Her words came through her prayers and are like Jesus speaking to you. Please go get it today. It is on the shelf at bookstores- secular and Christian. Jesus will help you every minute of every day. You will snatch your problems back and then have to regive them to him over and over. I felt it most helpful to put my specific prayers (some rambling) into my phone in a prayer program, and I set a phone app to play a chime at me EVERY HOUR from 7am-9pm to remind me to pray. At work, I usually prayed in the bathroom and some days the tears just flowed and flowed. He will help you. I promise. I hope you will start with the book.

    • Stacey, as human as we are, it is very difficult to understand this concept. As we get to know Jesus more, we began to be more “spiritually human”. With that, I mean that He promised us that we would go through trials and hardships if we followed Him. Look in scripture how all His disciples died. As we get to know Him more, we tend to go to Him and talk, as a friend, and as we do that, the companionship that we have with Him is what makes the trials more bearable. When we read in the book of Revelations, we know that we win in the end. That is what keeps us going. To hand our burdens over to Him is just talking to Him and knowing that He understands and will comfort us with His presence and believe it or not, an overwhelming peace. I am speaking through experience. My husband of 26 years, went through an overwhelming 5 year sickness. I am talking, heart disease, complete with open heart surgery, stents, graphs, balloons, tests, the works. Kidney failure complete with dialysis, fluid overload, toxin overload, severe cramps, etc. Infections including esophogeal, sepsis (blood), bone, parataneal (stomach lining). We did home dialysis and through a clinic. There was a brain injury caused by seizures brought on by complications of medications complete with surgery and him not knowing anything but my name and that I was his wife. It took us a year and a half with speech therapy and childrens games for him to be able to regain his memory and to be able to communicate (I got very good at charades). Then there was neck surgery from a fall that pushed 7 of his neck disks into his spinal cord. Then there was the last year that I had to put him in a nursing home because he couldnt even scratch his own nose or turn himself or even feed himself. He was 90 pounds when he died. I dont know how I would have gotten by without the friend and companion that I know as Jesus. And yes, I had heard people tell me that same phrase. I lost my son a month later to an infection. I lost my mother 10 months after that. A year later, I married a wonderful man that could see all the changes that came about in me because of those trials. I learned and grew by keeping hope and talking to my friend. Find a way to spend time with Him. Trust me, He will give you peace when all else seems hopeless. I had to tell myself daily/hourly that He has a plan for me, that He needs me to go down this path so I will be better equipped for the the plans that He has for me. Stay strong and have unshakable faith. Lovingly signed by someone that knows that He will give you more than you can handle.

  3. I so agree with you on this phrase that is thrown around. It has as times made me wonder what was wrong with me. As I read your particular story, I found myself , strangely enough, wanting the kind of relationship with my Dad that would cause me such pain to lose him. Be grateful that your relationship was such that you grieved him with your whole being. Some are not so lucky. Your pain is a great testimony of the love you had and still have for your Dad. Thank you for sharing. God will heal your broken heart over time. God bless.

  4. Wow reading your article brought back a flood of feelings. Almost 12 years now my 7 1/2 yr old had cancer. I understand your feelings. I watched my youngest son vomit chunks of his flesh and then bleed while all I could do is clean up the mess and cry and pray. I am crying now reliving the memories. I am sorry for your loss. Find hope and know he IS better off than in his pain. Your pain will last a while. Your strength will come as you turn to the Savior for help. That scripture is perfect. I know the Savior will help you carry that load. One of my favorite poems is “Footprints” Let Him carry you for awhile. Trust Him!! You will know and feel His love.

  5. I am so sorry about your loss. I can’t even imagine…I am so so sorry. A coworker of mine shared your blog, and in your trials, you are ministering and helping. I know that doesn’t take the pain away. I recently went through my second miscarriage and felt many of the emotions you described. Awful, awful, awful. Many told me that sharing my story helped them – and it didn’t take the pain away for me, but it helped. 2 verses I have held on to that have held me up are ‘weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the mourning.’ and (paraphrasing) ‘our light and momentary afflictions cannot even be compared to the weight of glory that they are earning for us.’ Hugs, my friend. Prayers as you grieve – and that Jesus would hold you up. xo

  6. Being tempted is very different from being tried. Both the scriptures in Alma and Mosiah talk about times and places where the Lord has eased burdens. Neither promises those burdens will be lifted in every case. Refer to the verses in D&C where Joseph cries out from jail, having lost some of his children and facing his own martyrdom, being rejected and lied about by friends, abused, freezing, lonely. The Lord promises that all things will be for a small moment, that they will be for his good, but not that the pain will be lifted at that moment.

    I have suffered through rape, debilitating depression, chronic illness, a family member’s mental illness, loss of jobs, surgeries, infertility, loss of my home, my parent’s divorce, spousal abuse, my own divorces, family responsibilities that I thought would break me, and now, watching a parent struggle with terminal illness. I am at serious risk of blowing my top at the next person who tells me how strong I am. I know I am strong. What I want is a break!

    The Lord has helped me through all of this. I did not snap. But the pain has been nearly unbearable…and certainly not for lack of prayer. Many, many, many hours, bleak nights and dark days have been spent in prayer. There have been times when my burdens have been lifted. Other times he has chosen to strengthen me instead.

  7. Our trials and tribulations have nothing to do with God. If you read the Bible closely in 1 John 5:19 it says – We know that we originate with God, but the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one.
    With that in mind and the scripture presented here… you can see that Satan is trying to deter us and God is waiting for us to turn to him. The next question is why does he allow this but that is another story.

  8. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I have learned, there are a lot of valleys , in life, we cannot bare alone. The blessing in life , far outweigh the grief. However, without family, friends and Gods grace there is no way to handle the trials and tribulations of Life. I have learned to pray for Gods help, all through the day. Thank you again and may we all apply Gods promises to our lives.

  9. I am not so sure i am with you on this ….. I have lost my mother and 4 years later i lost my daughter who was turning 22 the next day …. I did ask God if he was sure this was something i could handle …. I have to say it was the hardest thing i have been through and I have been through a lot in life …more than most should …. but i believe He knows i can handle these things . Which to me means I am still alive and didn’t give up as many have and ended their life. I believe there are some of us who go through more than others simply because he knows we are strong enough to and then we are able to help the others who can’t handle it . I totally beieve unless you have been through it you can’t identify and connect with someone who needs the help to get through it 🙂 just my opinion and what has kept me going in life !! Yes you are correct that we go through it with God but i also believe i go through everyday with God by my side through good and bad 🙂 He is the only one who is always there !!

    • I’m sorry for your losses. I think her message, however, is that telling people, “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” actually makes them feel like they are failing by not feeling like they are handling it. It can be negative instead of inspiring. So, even though you’ve had similar trials, it is not the same experience for everybody and people have different pasts and tolerance levels. Even if you’ve been there too and you have good intentions, sometimes not trying to help and give advice is the best thing for grievers.

  10. What a beautiful piece. That God will, and does, give us more than we can handle is a sentient that may be lost on a few, but I believe it to be 100% accurate. I lost my mother a little over a year ago, on December 11, 2012. She had been fighting breast cancer for 13 years, and would have spans of time when her numbers were good, and she thought she was on her way to being cancer free. Towards the very end, the cancer had metastasized to her brain. Your experience with your father at the end of his illness sounds very similar to that of mine with my mother’s, so my heart and prayers go out to you for comfort. I STILL see my mother in the faces of strangers. I STILL dream about the horrific weeks that were her last. And there’s no way I can listen to my iPod anymore without skipping through a song or two that I know will absolutely ruin my day (and makeup!) from the tears that will inevitably come from memories of my beautiful mom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reached for my phone to call her when I wanted to share something with her. I’ve been told it gets easier, and it does, I won’t deny that. I don’t cry every day like I did for what seemed like forever after she was gone. I cry sporadically now, but I will never stop missing her or wishing that she was still here.

  11. We lost my dad in a very similar fashion over Christmas. Your words speak directly to me, and in a way, about me. Thank you.

  12. I am a Christian Counselor, and I have long despised this phrase as well. It has led many people to anger towards God because they absolutely feel what they are facing is beyond what they can handle. You are correct that 1 Cor. 10:13 is talking about temptation- not heartache and trial. I refer to 2 Cor. 1:8-9 to understand how trials affect us. Paul said “we were burdened beyond measure, ABOVE STRENGTH, so that we despaired even of life…that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.” The purpose of all trials is to teach us to trust less in ourselves and more in God.

    • She is handling, that is very true, but not alone…with God, with faith and a testimony. I know I have wanted to give up before and almost ended my life twice, but God made a miracle happen in just those moments. I made it. But not alone.

  13. So very true. As one who has been there on more than one occasion having lost my father suddenly the night before the World Trade Center was attacked, my husband ten weeks later from horrifying cancer death and mother less than 2 months later after ten years in a deep coma, I had to just let God have it all. During all of this, my husband’s uncle succumbed to the same horrible lung cancer, as well as his young niece to Liver cancer. It was indeed, more than I could bare try as I might to hold my head up and handle whatever needed handling as I was raised. My other choice was simply ceasing to ever care about anything or anyone again. I am so blessed that God kept me upright, undeserving as I am.

  14. I came to this same conclusion exactly. Different trials, same conclusion about the misinterpretation of scripture. This is a critical doctrine about removing temptation which has been diluted by the misinterpretation. Distorting this to mean you won’t be given anything you can’t bear implies that you are either “unworthy” or that you will not need the Savior to shoulder some of your burdens. I am grateful for this post. I wish all could read it.

  15. I so needed this today!!! I recently lost my 24 yr. old son in a very violent car wreck due to someone else’s reckless driving. I kept saying “If God says we can get through this, we will!” But was thinking, “I don’t know if I am strong enough to handle this.” Your post makes so much sense to me now! I can only get through this with His help. That is what makes us strong enough to get through whatever we are dealt.

  16. I think the phrase has been changed slightly and taken from 1 Corinthians 10:13. It says, “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” The key to this is that Heavenly Father will give us things that are too hard for us to overcome on our own. The “escape” mentioned is the atonement of the Savior. He knows our trials. He won’t take them away, but when we finally turn our hearts to Him, He will lighten those burdens, or simply make us stronger that we are able to overcome. I know that there are trials that I couldn’t have overcome without the help of my Savior. I’m currently dealing with infertility, and every month that goes by without success, I feel like I’ve been dropped into a hole and buried. What I’ve come to learn and understand is hat God has a plan for me that is so much better than what I want for myself. I see miracles in my life, and there are too many to be just coincidence. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and I’m so glad you found solace in the scriptures. We can receive comfort and inspiration from the scriptures, simply by reading them. The verse doesn’t even have to apply to what we’re going through, the Holy Ghost will give us the inspiration we need.

  17. I never believed that phrase at any time of my life because people have too much to bear all the time. It was proven to me for sure when my daughter took her own life 4-11-13. Obviously, she had too much to bear. But I knew that phrase is not true even before then with my own depression and struggles. It’s not in the bible and I wish people would stop saying it.

  18. “I never said it would be easy; I only said it would be worth it.” For some reason, I can’t quite find the reference to that one, either. 😉

  19. THANK YOU! I always was confused by the saying, “God will not give you more than you can bare.” It never settled with me, especially while experiencing the darkest moments in (primarily) my adult life. It makes complete sense that we will not be given more TEMPTATIONS than we can bare/resist, but when it comes to hardship, challenges, pain, etc. this is where we learn to develop our relationship with God and truly TRUST in all his mighty power! What an eye opening perspective you have given me; a true gift.

    I am SO sorry for the loss of your Father. I will not even pretend to understand what that feels like to lose a parent. I truly believe that we go through painful, even horrific challenges in life to be a light and a strength to others and provide a point of view that may just be the thing we all needed!

    God bless you and your dear family!

    ~Brittany

  20. That saying has been a pet-peeve of mine for over 30 years. If God never gave us any more than we could bear, we wouldn’t need Jesus!
    This is beautifully written from a true place, and I know it will reach others.
    I’ve experienced what you describe and it does get better, I promise. Soon the remembrance of your Dad will overshadow the current tormenting memories… peace will take its place and you’ll be strengthened and renewed in a way you couldn’t expect.
    Praying for you through this time. ❤

  21. Thank you. I am pressing with all my might into Him. Thank you for you wonderful way of expressing the overwhelming difficulties we face sometimes and reminding me that I am not alone

  22. Thank you. In a time when I am living this. . . I have tried to communicate to others but haven’t found the right words. My mom died a year ago Dec 5. Each day toward her death was hell. The weight unbearable. And then in July our puppy was hit by a car in died in my arms. 2 weeks later our oldest son; just graduated, heading into the marines, very loved red head was killed in the wee hours of a Sunday morning. . . and if that wasn’t enough a month later my farmer was diagnosed with cancer. And I praise God with the voice I have left. . . I echo your words. God will allow and allow. But He will walk with us every step of the weary way. . . Plunking out our journey at http://www.farmingoncilleyhill.blogspot.com

  23. Sorry to hear of your loss Stephanie. Lost my MOM in 1959. He will always be in your HEART. If tears could build a highway and memories a lane I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. GOD BLESS.

  24. I think this is a well-written article, and it’s great you’re telling her story. You do briefly mention 1 Corinthians 10:13, but the ES Version says,
    “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” I guess I have a problem with you saying the Bible never says this, since it clearly does, and your title is false. I am very thankful, as you said, that we don’t have to go through this life alone. We always have help. 🙂

    • Jenn you are one of those people who take a bible verse and use it out of context. Read the verses around it and you will see it is talking about committing sin. It means saying I couldn’t resist is no excuse for giving in to sin.

  25. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but you did handle it on your own, just like the millions of others you referred to. Some people do break, you did not.
    Christ does not deserve credit for that, you do.
    In my atheist perspective, faith robs us of both pity and pride. Our anguish is shameful because our suffering pales to the ultimate sacrifice. We aren’t allowed to celebrate our successes because we were only able to accomplish them through him.
    When my grandfather died, my father grieved greatly yet felt compelled to hide it and “get over it” not because of machismo, but because of his religion.
    I agree that life will throw us all curve balls, but it can be grievously disappointing to expect divine help to overcome trials. In my opinion, it adds shame, guilt, and sadness to the faithful believer who feels abandoned.
    Obviously my perspective is non-existence, which removes the pain of abandonment, but a believer’s perspective is that the god they’ve dedicated their life to doesn’t care to help them.

    • I agree with Brenda. It must be sad for you to get up every day, go to work, clean house, pay bills, for no other reason in the world than to just exist. Maybe your father knew in his heart he would see his father again and that gave him comfort enough to go on. It would break my heart thinking death is the end. Your spirit knows Him, I pray one day you will let the Spirit speak reminders of His love to your spirit.

      • You are making incorrect assumptions about my motivations.
        I have great purpose in this life. I positively affect many people, and I program and invent in order to better the world.

    • I am sorry you feel that way. I know I am not alone and neither are you. The Holy Ghost is very real and so is Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father and they can lift you up beyond measure when we need it. But obviously you have to want to overcome your trials and you DO and should get to take credit for that. Heavenly Father hasn’t disappointed to me yet. Not once. I’m not sure what religion your grandpa was but he shouldn’t have to hide anything. Sometimes we assume we know why people do things but if you asked them you might be surprised to be wrong. Not saying this is your case. But definitely a possibility.

    • I understand where your perspective comes from and why you believe what you do. I am a Christian though. I believe in Christ’s atonement and that he paved the way for me to sin and repent; however, when I accomplish things and improve my talents I don’t feel as though it is all through Christ and nothing because of myself. I neither feel prideful or less-Christian for believing so. We believe God asks us to develop our talents and good traits. We do it ourselves. I also believe that too many people hide grief and are afraid to talk about their mistakes – not always because they are self-righteous, but because they are afraid of tearing other people down. I am very open. People all practice their religions and lifestyles very differently.

  26. Thank you for sharing! I am Struggling with a different kind of burden than illness. The struggles that my nineteen year old daughter has been through. It just seems she can not find happiness. And as soon as things seem to be going good for her and she thinks she has found someone her heart gets broken again. I have prayed with her but the long term relationship she was in ended and when it did it took a piece of her that she hasn’t gotten back. It has affected her happiness in her life since. She has been to counseling and keeps trying but always seems to find a reason to not allow herself to be happy. It breaks my heart that the person I used to know has been lost. It has been almost a year and I know God has a plan for her and we just keep praying . Just hard to understand why these things keep happening and she can’t find happiness within herself anymore. I pray everyday that The Lord will just give her peace and help her to find her way back to the person she used to be.

  27. obviously you are the type to cry and whimper over every little thing that happens to you. Life is tough damn it. The sooner you accept that cold hard fact the better. And if you do have 100% true faith in God, no he will NOT give you more than you can handle. You have no faith. That’s why you sink instead of treading on water.

    • I don’t think losing your father is a little thing. Like you said: Life is tough. It’s true that God won’t give us more than we can handle WITH HIS HELP, but He will definitely give us things that we can’t do alone. I think the idea originally came from a scripture about Him not giving us more temptation than we can handle.

    • I think your judgmental comments are better left kept to yourself. I think this is a beautifully written piece and none of us are in a place to judge another’s trials.

    • Mr. Krantz,
      How can you say this person has no faith? Have you walked in her shoes? Is losing a loved one a “little thing”. I agree with the article. I think God does give us more than we can bear so we can see just how much we need him.

  28. Great article. I am printing it out to give to those attending a healing study I wrote and now lead called Finding Repair. Thank you for your transparency and truth. It is true that many times the people in the church mean well but through their delivery of hope… there is confusion and added pressure… as we cannot figure out WHY we continue to suffer. Life is suffering… living is fragile… and Jesus is there to help us BEAR UP under that pressure.
    Thank you
    DeBee Trant

  29. I had similar feelings after my mother died 12 years ago. Her death was sudden and unexpected, and I grieved that I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. For weeks afterward, I sat in my car at lunch and cried. I went to a grief support group at church, prayed and read the Bible, talked to my pastor, but nothing brought the slightest degree of comfort. I knew Mother was in heaven, but I wasn’t ready to give her up. For me, the second year after her death was the hardest. During the holidays and special days of the first year — Christmas, Mother’s Day, her birthday — people reached out to me. A kind word, a hug, an email or card — but by the second year, I was supposed to be “over it.”

  30. Hey Kayla, I could not agree, and identify, more with your wise words here. First, let me say how sorry I am for you and your family’s great loss. I, too, lost my Dad 3 years ago, to brain cancer. He was more than just my father – he was my best friend, my mentor, and my hero. And, like in your case, well-intentioned people misused that scripture to try and make me and my family feel better (sometimes, it’s just better to say nothing at all). It is impossible for someone to identify with this kind of grief unless they have been through it themselves. None of the niceties mean anything. It’s not learning how to live with a “wound”, it’s learning to live with an amputation. Keep on keepin’ on, and thanks for sharing this, and, again, I cannot tell you how sorry I am that this happened to you and your family.

    May the Lord bless you and guide you, always.

  31. You will never know how much this just helped me. My dad is a drug addict who has been in and out of jail for the last 15 years. It’s been an emotional hell to say the least. People always use that little phrase and quite frankly I want to just tell them to shut up. Many times it IS TO MUCH TO BEAR. Thank you.

  32. God is using you mightily within your immeasurable suffering and loss; God bless you, dear heart! Been there, under the searing coals of loss and weight that seemed so unbearable. I know total dependance upon God, my Father. Thank you for this enduring message. Psalms 91

  33. Thank you so much for this. My younger sister (who was my best friend) passed on November 30 in a motorcycle accident. While grieving for her I have had good days, where I have felt at peace. And then there have been bad days where I have spent the day crying. Throughout the last couple of weeks I have felt that God was telling me to “TRUST” him and reminding me that he has not left me. I have felt it in my soul, and he has sent me more signs than I can count.

    Well yesterday was a very bad day for me. Really, the last 2 days have been bad. I had to go by her house Monday night to let the water drip. On my way there I made the decision to stop at the scene of the accident, which was just a few miles from where she lived. That was tough and not to smart on my behalf. Then yesterday it was an all day event. My grief overwhelms me while I am driving and while I am at work. For these are the times that I spoke/interacted with her the most. But last night I saw a picture of her posted on FB that was taken on the motorcycle just minutes before they wrecked. And you talk about it bringing you to your knees. I knew there was such a picture, as she had it on her phone. But seeing it literally took my breath away and left me nauseous. I went to bed crying uncontrollably and I finally calmed down after some praying.

    So today I checked FB and I stumbled across where someone shared this blog post. So I decided to read it quickly. I scrolled down and there it was, “TRUST”. I guess God thought to use a picture this time to get his point across. So I am thankful to you for this blog as it really hit home. And I am also thankful that God has not left me and for his reminders.

  34. My dear kayla, My heart grieves with yours over your loss. May you find comfort in the only one who can truly comfort. I will continue to pray for you and your family as you learn to live with this pain. May I be so bold as to recommend a group that has been a blessing to me and my wife called Grief Share. There are meetings all over the country and they truly “get it”. Focusing on Christ yet understanding the grief is all too real. Please look them up on their web site to find a location. My wife and I are leading a meeting in Miami starting in Feb. May God be with you. Michael Vile

  35. I am really sorry that you have had to endure the death of your father. I think that often times people say these kinds of things because they don’t know what else to say. When I have had to endure difficult times in my life, I have known that God is there for me, but I have never believed that we are never given more than we can handle. Thank you for sharing.

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