God will give you more than you can handle: I guarantee it.

There’s a certain phrase I’ve come to really dislike.

All my life, I’ve heard this phrase whenever I go through a rough patch. *And by rough patch, I mean a prickly, gnarly patch that leaves me bleeding to near death*. You’re probably familiar with those kinds of “patches”.

“God will never give you more than you can handle” is the phrase I’m referring to.

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And it’s a sweet sentiment, really. The people who say it are speaking from caring and concerned hearts.

BUT–it isn’t true.

I know that sounds harsh, but I promise I haven’t suddenly lost my mind or have become an angry-with-God bitter woman who hates the world. Actually, when I realized the simple fact that God can–and will–give us more than we can possibly bear, it got easier.

And it all started to make more sense.

I’ve often trudged through trials that overwhelm me. Ever since my childhood there have been trials that have made me “grow up” pretty fast. But granted, I know for a fact you’ve had your own fair share too, because that’s the reality of life. But this last trial is the one that shook me to my core and had me searching like a mad woman for answers as to why it was happening–and how I could possibly even survive it.

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I lost my Dad to cancer last month–if you’re a follower of mine, this is old news. But–it was absolutely horrific.

Every day leading up to his death was like walking through every level of hell–slowly– for lack of a better term. There’s no other way to describe it. The images…the sounds…the sleepless nights…the cries for God while we look on, helpless…the torment of rubbing morphine in his cheeks, praying it’ll absorb–but to no avail. The horrible, wrenching pain that came with lifting him up, laying him back down, lifting him up, laying him back down…because he became so restless and cried out for “home” every few minutes. And all along, in the back of my mind, I reminded myself that millions of people go through this, and have already gone through this, very thing. And it is simply unbearable. If you disagree–it’s because you haven’t been there.

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This trial was so consuming that I hate to even put it in the past tense–sometimes it still consumes me. Yesterday, at my Dad’s memorial service, it consumed me all over again.

I’ve suffered from nightmares where I relived the memory over and over mercilessly–I sometimes see his face on strangers that pass and worry that I’m going crazy. I cry over sad songs in the car and torture myself with stacks of pictures and yellowed photo albums. It’s beyond just missing him. And even with a firm testimony of the gospel and with peace that he is exactly where the Lord prepared him for, it is still too much for me to handle at times. It steals my breath–and it can steal my joy.

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So, the other day, I turned to the scriptures. I needed help.

I wanted to know where that phrase was that people kept repeating to me in church and at work and over the phone. Why did the Lord “trust me so much”?! Why did He think I could handle these kinds of trials?

And then I realized: I couldn’t find that quote because it isn’t there.

It never mentions anywhere in the scriptures that the Lord won’t give you more than you can handle. Yes, in 1 Corinthians 10:13 it speaks of Him giving us an escape from temptations so that it’s not too much to bear. But when it comes to pain, trials, heartache, and burdens– not once does it say it won’t be more than we can bear. Instead, it beautifully says this instead:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me…for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11: 28-30)

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The words struck my heart, as you can imagine. Christ is speaking to those of us who are carrying burdens much too heavy for our own shoulders. And in that one verse he simply states the reason why we are given more than we can handle: It’s so we can come to him. It’s so we can trust him enough to hand over our heavy, crippling burdens and let him carry the load.

You might be heavy laden right now like I was before reading and re-reading and re-reading once again this scripture that has never stuck out to me as much as it has lately.

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You might be shrunken with sadness or drowning in debt. You might be overwhelmingly angry at someone at church or aching under the pressures of raising children or maybe the inability to have them. You might be dealing with a terminal disease and you still have young children. And chances are–you might need your Redeemer to find you on the path and take up that heavy cross you’re dragging. Besides, even he tells us that he’s more equipped to carry it, so why not hand it over?

I’ve come to learn–slowly but surely–why I need Him.

I suppose it’s because of pride that I always thought I could just do things on my own. I’m strong, I’d say. I’m a tough cookie. I can help others through their tribulations while carrying mine all by myself. Well…wasn’t I wrong.

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I didn’t really know what needing him meant until I had no other choice. I didn’t know what it meant until I wrapped my arms around my middle so I wouldn’t fall apart–or the time I choked on tears and yelled toward Heaven. Or the times when I was utterly alone, and the silence was too much to bear. Those are the times that taught me he’s not just a want or a convenient symbol of love or a reason to do good deeds.

No, he’s the very air we breathe.

And he’s the only one who can make it bearable when life is simply anything but.

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2,025 thoughts on “God will give you more than you can handle: I guarantee it.

  1. This tugged at the heart strings today. My dad was called Home in August. I understand exactly how you feel and often find myself writing about this very thing… Would love to connect….

  2. I am so sorry about your daddy. I lost my mother to cancer last month also. It was fast and were were blessed that she had a pick line and we were able to give her intravenous morphine. She wasn’t in nearly the pain your father was in but it was so difficult to spend weeks at her bedside watching her slip away from us. I often felt Heavenly Father’s presence as I knelt or sat by her bed holding her hand. I have never shed so many tears as that month I spent with her and I have been so thankful for that opportunity.

  3. “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”-C.S. Lewis

  4. Beautifully said. Thanks for sharing. I feel like if I can learn from others, I might have a leg-up when it comes to my turn. I have been through trials I didn’t think I could bear but I know it’s not over. I read an analogy about this topic that helps me understand. The analogy is about how a weight-lifter builds muscles. He has a spotter who is there to take the weight when the lifter has reached his limit. Instead of taking the weight off the first time the lifter says he’s reached his limit, the spotter encourages him to lift “one more time”. After one more lift, the spotter tells him to do it again and again until he see’s that he is about to drop the weight on himself. Then the spotter catches it. The spotter is not doing it out of meanness. He is doing it because he knows the lifter’s capacity better than the lifter himself. He has a different perspective by observing rather than being under the weight himself. And, the point is that muscle is actually built by stretching it beyond its limits. As it stretches beyond its limits, it actually tears. When it heals, it scars, and the scars are stronger than the muscle around it. I’m so sorry for your loss and especially for having to watch your Dad as he went through that horrendous time. I know he knows the Savior better than many of us do now.

      • I’m so sorry to hear that! I can’t even imagine your pain. I first read that analogy in the book called Believing Christ by Stephen E Robinson. It really helped me understand the Atonement.

  5. I, too, was appreciative of your comments. I have dealt with such a loss. It’s been over 10 years and the pain is as fresh as yesterday. Through it all I was given many experiences and personal revelatory thoughts from scripture, that I knew my Father loved me and that I was going through something almost unbearable. To me it was unbearable but He showed me otherwise. Some of the things that were brought to my remembrance. Jesus as He waited when he found out that Lazarus had died. Why He waited so long to go to him. And even when He did, as He saw Mary and Martha and they were crying.it says ‘Jesus wept’. He knew what He was going to do: raise Lazarus from the dead but He had so much compassion on his friends Mary and Martha that when He saw that they were crying, He was deeply moved – that He cried too. I love Him and all of the things He taught me when I went through a horrendous experience with my mother. All of the scriptures that say, “Come unto me and I will give you rest” and so many other scriptures like that. Someone said that when we want to talk to God we say our prayers and when we want Him to talk to us – we read the scriptures. To me it’s because as we read and ponder we are given to know special messages meant just for us at that time. Or even a deeper meaning of what a scripture might mean.
    I hope and pray you will feel his comforting arms around you. I SO understand how you’re feeling. The hard part of life is death. But we will all have to go through it. Stay strong!

  6. Finally! Someone else believes this besides me! Thank you! It is a true principle that God will give you more than you can handle because you have to be made low in order to be open, to have your heart open for his spirit to enter in.

  7. Thank you so much for this today!! And the only thing. I would add is …. Every trial we endure… Every trial we surrender to The Lord we become stronger for it and our faith and testimony grows stronger for it. The veil maybe a little thinner each time we do so that we can still have our relationship with those that we love and have gone before us.

  8. This is the first time I’ve come to your site; I was drawn to this post thanks to a Facebook friend. You brought such a beautiful spirit to my day–and one I desperately needed. Thank you for sharing your grief and your strength.

  9. I agree with your point and thank you for sharing your story. So many of us, I could even confidently say all of us, endure heavy trials. It is so much easier when we realize we aren’t meant to shoulder them alone.

    When it comes to “that phrase” I’ve always linked it in my mind with the scripture 1 Nephi 3:7 “…for The Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them”. I think this scripture relates to life’s trials as well, so in other words God truly DOESN’T give us more than HE KNOWS we can handle, because he has prepared a way for us to handle them. That way is through our Savior.
    Two ways of looking at that phrase, but both reaching the same conclusion. We can’t do it without Him.

    • I was going to say the same thing – but 1 Ne 3:7 is a different message as the blogger is saying there are some things that *without* God that you can *not* handle. 1 Ne 3:7, as with all scriptures, implies that you have God with you and so it goes hand-in-hand with the blogger’s final realization.
      An awesome scripture … that’s probably why it’s at the beginning of the Book of Mormon and therefore most likely to be read. The other scripture that goes with this discussion is D&C 122:7-8 – “all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for they good” – not always comforting for someone suffering loss though, but seems to indicate that the bad thing was at least allowed by God, which this blogger suggests, and only because it is for their good. Again, not necessarily helpful when in the moment, but can be if you let it.

  10. I can’t get over some of the horrible, nasty replies to this article. If you read it, you do know that in the end she is giving hope and has a great deal of faith. I don’t like the phrase that she mentioned either and I admire how the author has turned it around to give us all hope. Some of this nastiness is uncalled for.

  11. You are 100% correct and that is why i’ve always loved that scripture in Matthew… If burdens were easy we would never go to God for help.

  12. That quote is in the Bible. It’s either in Romans or Corinthians. I’ll find the quote and send it to you.
    Several times in my life, I’ve felt what I considered overwhelming issues. And I was reading my Bible and found that quote.

  13. Yes, Jenn, you know I’ve been there…and until someone else does, they can’t relate. I’m sorry for your loss. I know the pain and torture you’re going through daily. It will last for a long time. But, as with everything else, time does heal
    thy wounds. Love ya, girl. If you need to talk, just let me know.

  14. Amen. God is still working with me, but I am convinced that He wants me to TRUST Him, … not that I will not be hungry, or will not get sick, or will not die, but to trust that NONE of this will be so without His knowing or presence. Our hope is in something far greater than our present circumstances: God loves us, and if even death takes us, He will raise us up to everlasting life in His presence. Fear not.

  15. Great Article. Someone else had read it and posted the link of Facebook. My wife (43 years old) was diagnosed with Breast cancer that had matasticized to her femur. 2 months ago, the weakness caused her upper femur to snap. I’ve never seen my wife is so much pain. And I thought, “What about this does God say she should be able to handle?” Thanks for the reminder that our weakness shows God’s power. When the struggles of life are overwhelming, we can depend on an overwhelming God.

    • I do know of someone who ended their life because of chronic pain. He had a loving supportive wife and was very active on missions trips and led the song worship at his church. His Dr.s changed his medicine with side effects that caused him to end his life. In this case, drugs overpowered him to do something that he would not have done had he not been on that drug. It is very sad. He was loved by all. Life can be overwhelming at times and I understand each situation is different; however, It is each persons choice to put their trust in God and sometimes that is not easy to do, but God’s word promises that His grace will be sufficient. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2Cor. 2:9; I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phil 4:3 Love and prayers to you.

  16. This is the first time I have read anything you wrote. Please accept my heart felt condolences on the loss of your dear father. At 57 I know the feeling of being two people in one when such a loss is suffered. There is the grown up daughter who helps and is strong when needed. There is also the child who is watching mommy or daddy die. Not easy.

    Your message is astounding. It is important for people to hear this, because it is so true. I have been searching for the right way to word this after too many times using the ‘God does not give you more than you can handle’ line and feeling it was just wrong.

    Thank you. Bless you. Peace be with you.

  17. I have been there..The pain that hurt so back that I thought my heart would burst or lose my breath..And scream out why ,why out in the yard looking upward toward Heaven..And It does get easier but sometime as I am in a crowd-the pain will again leave me breathless as I am reminded “I will never see him again in this life.”At that time it makes you long for heaven..I could go on and on , but I won’t

  18. Thank you for your beautifully written post. My 12 year-old-daughter died in a tragic accident 20 months ago and then 2 months after that my father lost his battle with brain cancer. I never could have born it alone – it truly was unbearable and the only way we survived was because of our loving Savior, Jesus Christ – and a loving Heavenly Father. Like you, I have learned a whole knew perspective of what it means to put our trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It’s a beautiful thing even amongst the heartache.

    Thanks again for your beautiful words.

  19. I’m happy to have come across your message. This phrase has echoed through my brain for years and I haven’t found much solace in it. And now, between experiences and reading your message, I realize that if we do believe it is true a true statement, in my opinion, we are thinking that we can handle things without God. And for me, I know that when I lost my dad when I was 19, and with nearly losing my mom during heart surgery, that it is not true. I would not have been able to bear that without God. God is the only reason I made it through. So I don’t believe this statement at all and I think was created to help….but has actually hurt us. If we recognize it’s not true, we can realize that we are intended to turn our burdens over to God and He will lighten them. Thank you again for your helpful message. 🙂

  20. Thank you so much! I have been struggling with this thing for so very long now and kept saying God will not give me more than I can handle, but feeling like I can not handle it anyway. I did and do often give it back to God and tell Him sorry I was trying to carry it alone again. He takes it but so often I try to take it again and carry it. Humans…
    Again thank you for this… I cried so hard and it is good to feel I am not alone.

  21. I am so glad some one said this! I too have a problem with that saying. It no where in the Bible. I lost my son 4 1/2 half months ago on our 40th wedding anniversary. He committed suicide. I’ve had many things happen in my life but nothing could compare or prepare me for this. Yet God has been faithful his grace has been plentiful and we are able to bear it because of his love and grace. Bad things are going to happen sometimes without rhyme or reason because we live in a sin cursed world ,in a sin cursed body . And there is the devil who hates us. But God has promised to never leave us nor forsake us and to help us in all things. Thank you for sharing.

  22. Beautiful and so very true. I lost my father (he was 63, I am 27) in September 2013 due to complications of Leukemia. He was cancer free at the time of death, but because of a fungal infection that had spread, there was nothing doctors could do. We watched him fade into Heaven in hospice care. God does give us more then we can handle, but He is wanting us to reach for Him for help. I too pour myself over the pictures, the memories and cry to many many songs in the car. You are normal. Don’t be afraid to go to a grief retreat. My mother and I went together. Not only was I able to understand how I am grieving, but how to help my mom grieve; she had lost her best friend after 40+ years of marriage. I will be praying for you.

  23. The reason for the saying is because if we are here to talk about it then we got throug it to talk about it…………God never gives us a burden to heavy that we cannot carry it to Him, just like Footprints. If God brings you to it He will bring you through it, I lost my husband to murder a few years ago, and what I did learn was that we are all walking each other home, back to where we came from spirit and that my body is the house that holds my spirit. I also was given the blessing to walk my friend home whose body was wracked with cancer, and I was given the greatest gift in my life I was a witness to faith over fear, because at first John K struggled with the transition over, then we heard and saw the mystery and miracle of life……..he began to say turn down the light its bright, and then he looked behind us and said beautiful beautiful beautiful and we had to turn around to see what he was seeing we did not see but we could feel spirit all around us…………within a few days of bating caressing medicating, John took off his cross his rings handed them to us and said I am ready……….this was Johns spirit talking because John never physcially got up and had a conversation eye to eye, when we would bathe him change diapers he would say angels angels…….I have stopped answering why, I’m sure Jesus did when he died and suffered on the cross so others could live, he surrendered to God’s will…..in each problem catastrophe I look for the lesson and I always always always find one. I am sorry for the loss of your father in the form that you are familiar with but I can assure you he did not die, he is here……..I have also learned this too and it did not come overnight it came over time, my job is to prepare myself to cross over witout fear, and having experienced all that I have I am ready at anytime to go back to spirit…..I do not question why my husband was taken in the manner he was it is not my job, nor that the person got all of the charges dismissed…..I trust Gods will, and I turn my will and my life over to Him as much and as often as I can. I understand also about seeing your dad, I did the same I would even catch up wit cars it is normal, it was me wanting to see him again in the flesh, I wis you peace, and comfort in your journey to acceptance……which I found was truly the key today I do not look at the time witout him I look at the time God allowed him to walk with me.

  24. My father too, passed in a slow painful fight with brain cancer. He didnt want to be in a nursing home so my wife and I sold all of our belongings in Alaska and moved to Texas to help him with his journey. I went through the same circumstances, watching the person I looked up to for all of my life writhing in pain and confusion. It was devastating. God helped me cope with my pain and mental anguish both during and after his time on this earth by directing me to think about the good times we had rather than the painful times, by realizing that we were actually blessed to be able to spend time with him without the distractions of life. Try to teach yourself to do that and you will find yourself even closer to your father, even if he has passed. Don’t stew in the pain, but rather rejoice in the joy of life that God has given each and every one of us!

  25. Thank you for this as I struggle with how to help a friend going through something similar. When I finished, I went to save the verse for future reference and my Bible App had this: “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10)

  26. It was NOT a coincidence that led me to your post today. Saturday is the 2nd anniversary of my beloved husband’s death. He passed away from a hospital infection. The irony is that his brother also passed from this infection.

    We watched for 5 agonizing days while he fought his way into the spirit world. Nyle was the comeback kid! He had more lives than a cat, so when this hit we wanted him to do what he did and just bounce back. Only his bouncing days were done.

    When I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 34 I heard many well-meaning people tell me the same thing, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I ranted and raved at God for days, whenever I a private moment. “I CAN’T HANDLE THIS….I DON’T WANT TO HANDLE THIS…TAKE IT AWAY…NOW!”

    Now I am amazed at my hubris. I thought that I had the insight to tell the dear Lord how the world should be?

    Finally, exhausted, worn down I quieted. In that silent moment God solved the puzzle for me. I heard him say in my mind, “God will never give you more than you can handle…WITH HIS HELP!” He NEVER wanted his children to try and solve lives vissitudes alone.

    If you count how many scriptures tell us, “Ask, knock, seek, come unto me…” you realize God doesn’t WANT us to handle the hard things alone. He is always waiting…watching…hoping that we will turn to him.

    We have to turn to him, because he will NOT take away our agency to choose, and make decisions. He will not force his assistance on us.

    Thank you for your wise words…you helped me remember my own experiences today and the day is brighter because of it!

  27. Kayla…..perhaps seeing this on this day was what I needed because I still don’t know what I need or how to deal with what I have been through and what I am still going through. I lost my father in March of 2013 to Stage III Esophageal Cancer. The strong, verile man that I once knew became weak and went through so much in his last months and final days. I was there for him after his surgery and there were times that he looked straight through me as if begging me to put him out of his misery. I was also the only one in his room when he took his last breath. The whole thing still haunts me and I prayed for a miracle, but one never came. Cancer is an insidious disease that takes too many (young, old, innocent) and it has no boundaries. God Bless you.

  28. I know exactly where you are, I lost my Son and Husband in a years time. My life was shattered, I had given my all to ministry for many years, I could not fathom that God would allow this to happen. Through the Word, my Pastor and Church Family the fog began to lift. I encourage you to check out GriefShare,org, a Bible based Support Group that helped me tremendously to realize I was not losing my mind, that the emotions I had were from the loss I had suffered. We all go through Grief differently in time and emotions, the important thing is to not get stuck in your Grief. Life moves on and you must move with it or you will become a shadow of your former self, this your Dad would not want. I pray you will find peace of mind, calmness of spirit and the fortitude to move on !

  29. I too watched as my Mom suffered from the agony associated with cancer. I was sad, I was mad and I still have a gaping hole in my heart from the day she left. I did not understand it at first, but I came to realize that the devil searches for ways to separate you and drive a wedge between you and the Father. What better way than to take those you love dearly away? Death wasn’t created by the Father, life was.

    Great perspective and it’s ok to cry. It doesn’t show weakness or inability to tread water, it shows you are human and have sorrow. Jesus experienced these same human emotions while He was here. If He was not immune, we are not either. It is during these moments that we find strength from Him IF we only ask. You have been through this process to help others, to be able to empathize with those going through similar circumstances.

    I fail to understand how people can be so insensitive to others. No two people are alike and deal with grief the same way.

  30. Wow, such true words.

    I believe the well meaning Christians who remind us “we won’t be given more than we can handle” and who at times, unintentionally but flippantly “throw” bible verses at people hurting (I think of them as “Scripture Ninjas”) have not walked through true pain and trials in their lives. And I am glad for them in a sense, that they haven’t had to hurt in that deep way.

    Kayla, you correctly point out that He often gives us more than we can handle, and we need to do all we can to give those burdens to the Lord and ask Him (and others who love us) to help us carry the load until the trial has ended.

    Thanks for sharing this. Our family is in a season of trial as well, and this is a great reminder for us that we are not alone. He is here to carry this burden with us, and others are also suffering and share the knowledge of going through trials.

    I heard a great quote the other day – that God won’t protect us from anything that will ultimately make us ore like Jesus. May we all come out more refined on the other side.

  31. Thank you for being brave enough to share your thoughts and feelings after the death of your father. My 15 yr. old son asked me the other day if it’s cliché to tell someone to “never give up know matter how dark things seem”? (He was doing this for a school assignment.) I didn’t take long to answer him with, “Yes, it is. Because if you’ve never been in such a dark place why should other listen to you? It’s so easy to give that advice when you haven’t been there.”
    I haven’t liked this message for a long time. I lost my 2 brothers to suicide. One of them died 23 years ago at the age of 17 and the youngest, 10 years ago at the age of 21. I believe my youngest brother went through some things near the end of his life that would have been like a hammer nailing something into you over and over again, with no escape, no time in between to get a breath. I have been there myself, especially recently. I’ve dealt with depression in myself since my pre-teens. I am now a wife and mother of 5 children. There’s the insurmountable debt, 2 Type 1 diabetics, a busy church calling, and last of all, there’s the meds I’ve tried getting to work. Now that is almost the worst to deal with because without my head being clear and me having a desire to get up each day, life seems hopeless and devoid of anything. I am 37 and have far to go and when you feel you’ve reached the end of your rope at this age, it takes you to your knees in tears over and over again.
    I hope you eventually find your peace and comfort. I liked what someone mentioned in the comments about these instances making the veil thinner. After going through a lot of those hard times, I have sensed loved ones pulling for me and, I know our Heavenly Father’s plan is perfect. I know it by how I can look by on my life and see where I’ve come from. But sometimes it will be more than we can bear and that is when we must not just have faith that things will work out but when we must just trust in our Savior and hand it over. May God be with you 🙂

    • I subscribed to the LDS Meridian Magazine online. It is free with uplifting and helpful articles. There was one about a man who lost some family members to suicide because of depression and had children still suffering. He studied and prayed and finally discovered a product that reversed their symptoms. His daughter has written a book about how it gave her back her life. I think if you put Meridian Magazine in your browser it will come up and you can subscribe to it and inquire about the information. I have seen it come up occasionally. I did not make a note of the title of the book or product name. If this doesn’t work please contact me. I am also using an herbal product called “Protandim” that is helping people with depression. I have not had any first hand experience with it, but have some family who have tried medications, some of which seem to help, but oftentimes leave them feeling drugged. I hope to share what I know, but find people slow to understand or willing to do the research. If you go to pubmed.gov and put in protandim you can see the scientific studies behind it. Also perhaps search depression there as well and see what comes up. It is a good source of information. youtube.com/protandim has several articles on different conditions and diseases and how it helps. Dr. Alice Reed has an article there explaining the science and how it works in our cells to help our body heal. Look for some on diabetes too, because it helps balance insulin and sugar. The company is Life Vantage and the scientist who formulated it is Dr. Joe McCord. My website is mylifevantage.com/carolajeffery. It is an amazing company and allows preferred customers to purchase at the same price as distributors. They have a very good opportunity to share and make a good income as well at whatever pace you want. They have great training and support from any and all members.
      I hope you will find this information helpful. I would love hearing from you.

  32. I thought I’d known pain, I thought I’d known trials, but it wasnt until last August when I sat on the bed by my Dad as he took his last breath that I became well acquainted with a deep agony different from any other. In those las t hours & moments I learned so much. Since then my whole perspective on such ordinary things has changed dramatically. Since that last diagnosis that the cancer had returned I had asked God, begged him, to let me be with my Dad, let me see my Dads face at the moment he saw Jesus. I believe He answered that but I had no idea what I was REALLY asking. It has marked me as no other pain ever has.
    And I have come to understand this very thing- God does give us more than we can handle so that we will hopefully come to understand that very thing- WE CANT HANDLE IT! I’ve also come to understand that the strength I have always relied on is my own and it is that strength that is one of my biggest weaknesses.
    All of that to just say – amen! Truth!
    Thank you for this post

  33. Really a nice blog post. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my son when he was 7 a few years ago, and I know that feeling. Although, I just wanted to say that to me this post is what that phrase ‘more than you can handle’ means. Yes – its not in the scriptures. I always knew that. But, I still believe it. To me, what it means is that whatever trials are thrown at us, aren’t going to break us – not if we don’t let them. I agree that trials are there to push your limits and test you to make you stronger so that you can handle more. Its like any muscle that needs to be exercised. But, in taking that same analogy, I don’t believe God will make you bench press 500 pounds the first time at the gym. There is no way you could do that. He’s going to give you just over what you could do on your own, so that you have to turn for help from our Savior. To me, this is very comforting, knowing that Heavenly Father has confidence in me. When I’m faced with something that seems overwhelming, I know He knows I can get through it. I may need help and I’m going to need to call upon the Atonement, but I WILL survive this. AND – I’ll be stronger for it. I hope you continue to find peace and comfort. Its going to be a hard road for awhile. Someone told me that the hardest times came in 3’s – 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years. I found that to be true for me. 3 months was when I slipped into a mini depression for awhile. The 3 year anniversary was really hard. It just forces me to continue to call upon our Savior.

  34. That was a beautiful blog! Thanks for sharing. Here is a quote that I have on my desk at work. I live by it. Perhaps it will give you and some of your readers some additional inspiration as it has for me a number of times over the years:

    “When in situations of stress, we wonder if there is any more in us to give. We can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was forordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not over program us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear. DC 50:40.”

    — Neal A. Maxwell

  35. i have lost my 28 year old daughter in a car wreck on oct 8 2013 4 months ago today. there was no warning in this situation, and i feel dead inside. i have gave all of this to God . it seems like the pain grows more and more everyday and i cant stop it and the Lord hasnt stopped it either. i do trust and live for God with all of might and heart and soul. without him i am nothing. i just cant seem to get to a point where i can really handle this. people say dont stew in the pain but that is all i know. so how do you get past the pain of knowing that you dont have your daughter with you any more?

    • I lost my father recently very unexpectedly, and can relate though probably not to the same degree (I can’t imagine loosing one of my children). I think there are the Sunday School answers, and then that one answer that is specific for you which comes with time, much prayer, and the prayer of others. For you I don’t know exactly what that answer is but I do know that sometimes we need to ask for help from those who can help us find it. My dad who died was an amazing psychologist who helped 100’s of people and the first thing he generally told them was “I can help you, I can help make you better, but you have to let me.” And he did … helped more people than you can imagine, and now he’s gone but left that example. Even professional resources are human by nature … they come from God. We all do. You’ll have my prayers. Best wishes.

  36. It is amazing to me how when you are going through the worst of trials, you think you’ll never make it…the pain is too much…it feels as if we should just die because it hurts so much. And we just keep right on breathing! We wake up the next morning! I shook my head in disbelief as I watched my son lay day after day in a coma for a little over a year, hoping and praying that if I just had enough faith I would see the miracle and he’d wake up. He had a TBI from a car accident. Sometimes I would “scream cry” when I was alone. Then his body started shutting down. We made the most difficult decision of our lives…to let him go. There are blessings if you look for them. That year I was closer to the Spirit than I ever have been and a loving Heavenly Father will send you tender mercies if you watch for them! I think the more difficult a death is the greater the glory on the other side! The refiners fire! I Try to remember the good times and spend a good amout of time wondering and daydreaming about the wonderful experiences he’s having right now! Prayers and peace for you!

  37. I’m so sorry about your loss. My father passed away from cancer almost a year ago and it still feels as though it was yesterday. My fiance’s mom and dad have both been diagnosed with cancer since then and some days we wonder how much more we can take, but I know in the end – we’ll only be stronger.

    Thanks for your post. I’m glad I’m not the only person wondering if I’m going crazy 🙂

  38. What a glorious testimony! Our God has loved us so much! I am so glad you were and have been able to cast your cares on Him! My heart bleeds for your loss. The loss of my earthly Father was a tremendous blow in my life! This happened in 1988 and I still see people who make do a double take, they favor him so much. I guess the memories and hurt of loosing them never go away. They may fade some but will remain with us and God will always take our burdens and bear them making it possible for us to continue in His love! What a beautiful revelation, casting our cares on him for He careth for us!

    Thank you for this beautiful and heart warming article!

  39. Wow, just saw your blog from someone posting on facebook. You bring back raw memories of a pain in my heart so deep I never thought I would breathe again. Watching our daddies die is a pain that cannot be told only experienced. Thankyou for voicing it so perfectly. I cry just sitting here trying to read this as I am writing it. and Yes, God is the only way we can handle, what we CANNOT handle. wow. peace be with you my friend,.

  40. As a young mother with breast cancer your words could not resonate more. I love my life, don’t get me wrong. The gospel is great and God’s love is real, but we are here to be tried and tested and that brings us closer to Him. He has held me up on so many days.
    I’m sorry for your loss. I thank you for writing this so well.

    • I was introduced to a CD by Dr. Jack Stockwell on Iodine and he gave this website: optimax.com to read the studies of Dr. Abraham on how iodine works in our bodies. One thing he talked about was breast cancer and how iodine helps prevent it and should therefore give your body a tool to fight it as well. Please check this out and I pray it will be of benefit to you.

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