Giving up on the quest to be extraordinary: And how it will change your life

My dad was an ordinary man.

He rose at dawn to go work at an ordinary job, tossing his lunch pail in the back of a maybe less-than-ordinary pick-up truck that lacked a solid floor on the passenger side. 

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He was quiet and attentive to conversations already begun–and he could pass through a room quickly without gaining much notice. He had a daily routine of reading the paper at half past six and watching every Seahawks game in his chair–it was only interrupted by play time with us kids–an ordinary hobby for many dads.

When I was a child I remember feeling sorry for my Dad. He mentioned he used to want to be a doctor before he decided it wasn’t for him. And in his youth he didn’t make much of a stir in his hometown newspaper or in sports–he just spent afternoons at the river’s edge with a fishing line and a can of worms. Ordinary things, really. 

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But me? I didn’t want ordinary. Not at all! I wanted to be extraordinary. I paraded around in dancing dresses, hosted backyard carnivals in the summer, auditioned for every school play, and dreamt of the day I’d see my name on a hardback book. I wanted to leave a positive legacy behind. I wanted to be ANYTHING but ordinary. And I loved my Dad so much–I used to cry that he could never be an important doctor.

And that mindset followed me well into my life. It wasn’t a mindset of pride or self-love. It was the desire to change lives and be known for something good–something special. But that desire, I’ve come to learn, is the desire of so many others who leave nothing behind except for a granite stone, piles of money, and bylines that quickly get shoved into archives. The desire to be great, if that desire is a sole purpose, will completely cloud over what really makes you someone to remember. But the desire to just live life fully and completely with love for people being your main purpose–THAT desire and THAT quest can change your life forever.

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As for my father with his “ordinary” life–I’ve come to understand the beauty of such ordinary things now, and the importance.

Since his passing, I’ve began to take notice of things he left behind. Ordinary things. Sifting through his things after his passing, I noticed old notebooks filled with notes from church sermons and past General Conferences–notes that he took to heart and lived. Notes he never shared.

My mother found stacks of receipts from his monthly tithing slips–tithing that she never knew he paid when she stopped going to church for a short time and he would sit alone in the pew every sunday.

Friends–from the job that everyone said he was “stuck in” for years and years–have filtered through the front door and across our social media pages, telling stories of a man with quiet faith, great love for those around him, and kindness. Always kindness. Even my father’s insurance agent from five years back called with tears in his voice, just to tell us that he’ll always remember Dad and the way he was so patient.

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Ordinary watches and worn-out wallets–thin from years of use–are now our flecks of gold. Yellowed photographs of summers at the river and tanned arms against a lawnmower are now precious heirlooms.

The ordinary, simple things that I once thought were like “every other dad”. But now, to me, are extraordinary. And he never tried to be.

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I think it’s easy, since we live in a world dedicated to proving how “special” we are or how “unique” we are, to measure ourselves at the end of the day by how many awards line our desk or how many nods of approval we get for special projects at work. But putting all of our efforts into that kind of journey distracts from the truly extraordinary. We shouldn’t give up on success within the world and careers we hold, of course–but we should also remember where true success lies.

Like being the mom that finger paints with her toddlers and doesn’t care that some hair dipped into the blue. Like being the friend that sits at the lunch table with the bullied kid in complete silence, just offering a presence. Like being the dad that works a 9 to 5 at a completely ordinary office and always makes sure to make every single ballet performance. Like being the artist that paints, that writes, that sings, that creates–just to make life more relatable, or more beautiful, for at least one person.

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How beautiful the world is when we count the little moments that make up our memories, our goodness, our friendships, our faith. How beautiful it is to leave behind something much greater than anything tangible, even while losing ourselves in ordinary tasks.

How beautiful that is. And how extraordinary. 

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13 thoughts on “Giving up on the quest to be extraordinary: And how it will change your life

    • Beautiful thoughts here, and I am fortunate to have learned the truth of your words for my life. I didn’t have to lose a loved one to discover what was really important to me and make some changes before it was too late..I am truly blessed. Thank you for your love and support for those of us who choose to go quietly among the noise and haste.

  1. Thanks for sharing. Very well stated. Elder McKonkie and others have stated clearly that being ordinary and moving forward is what is expected and hoped for …. Thanks again.

  2. Kayla! Wow! We don’t know each other, but it’s so amazing how the Lord has placed your blog in my life. A facebook friend posted your blog post about God giving us what we can handle and I can honestly say God used this to speak to my heart. I had that same conversation with a friend that day and logged on to Facebook and there was your post. What brought me to tears more was the fact that I just lost my Dad to Leukemia on December 7. Reading about your dad and the relationship you have, reminds me so much of my relationship with my dad. Your post today was again something I needed! Thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts. –jess

  3. Thanks for this. Your words are so true. I just lost my Mom a few months ago and it is the little things that we shared that means the most to me. I will keep those memories close to my heart for ever more. My mother was a quiet homemaker all her life. She had very little material things but was such a giving, caring person. However, she made her mark on a lot things and people. I miss her more than words can express.

  4. Wow, this is good! I have always wanted to be something, and not just average. I remember wanting my name on lots of pages in the back of the yearbook in high school to show I was “somebody”. Dumb. I still think it is important to “strive for excellence” rather than be a perfectionist as I once tried to be. Anyway, I love your thoughts, and especially your writing style. Just love reading your insights. Thank you!

  5. Your blog is a wonderful blessing. I loved reading about your special, ordinary dad. It brought back so many memories of my ordinary dad and the legacy of goodness and love that he left behind. Thank you and God bless you.

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