I read your blog post yesterday.
This one, to be exact: “I look down on young women with husbands and kids and I’m not sorry”.
You won’t be surprised to hear that I was stunned. I read almost every comment on your blog and I know for sure that I’m not alone in the category of “jaw-dropped-women”. But before you click out of this post and think this is just one more hateful monologue about your writing–let me first say this. Just a few years ago, I agreed with you. I’m ashamed to say it now. But I won’t deny it. I believed the lie. And let me tell you, in a kind way of course, why it’s in fact a lie.
As you can read from my biography and as you can see from all my social media platforms–I’m a career woman too, just like you. It’s always been in my blood. Like you, I get a thrill from traveling. I live off of the adrenaline that pumps through my blood under deadlines. I’m a busy bee–a workaholic at times, even. And I enjoy tackling challenges, probably like you do. And just like you, I’m a writer.
And much like you express in your letter (though I wasn’t exactly as heated about the topic) I tended to wonder why not EVERY woman wanted opportunity to step out into the world and take it in her hands and mold it into the shape she wanted. Why didn’t every woman want to get a degree and climb corporate ropes and BE something valuable and highly-esteemed? I didn’t want to disappear. It wasn’t that I looked down on women in the home, I just didn’t want to be that woman.
You said in your post, “You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids”. And within a young mind, I believed that because that’s what the world whispered to me. Rise above your gender roles, it said to me.
But then, I started my career. I bought my own groceries and I paid my own bills. I had viral blog posts *like you* and I had plenty of bylines to stack up my resume.
But you want to know something? I noticed that at the end of the day, when the stories are written and the projects are done–all I want is to come home and talk to my husband. The “ball and chain” people speak of makes life exceptional. At the end of the day, before I go to any CEO or big-wig director with a concern, I’ll go to my mom. Because she created an exceptional life for me. She is exceptional.
During visits to see my nephews and nieces and holiday functions (that I actually get off from work), I watch my sisters-in-law with awe as they carry a baby on one hip and wipe sticky goop from a toddler’s hair with another, all while carrying on an intelligent conversation with the rest of us. They are exceptional to me.
My greatest teachers in my life never stood at the front of a boardroom. They waited at the bus stop for me. They gave me cough medicine at 3 in the morning. They married me at an altar and promised to put up with my not-so-nice days. They held me when no one understood and they worked odd jobs and sacrificed it all to stay home and make sure I had after-school snacks and help with my math. They raised my nephews and nieces with tenderness that taught me patience and compassion. They showed me what it means to live an exceptional life–what it means to be exceptional.
You say that “doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business”. I know how it may look like that, Amy. But I also know that when I threw up all over my sheets in the middle of the night when I was just 7-years-old and my mother woke up to wash, dry, and fold them right back over my bed, humming a song as she scratched my back and put me to sleep again, she was doing a work far greater than building any business. She was building me.
That is exceptional.
From the ones raising CEO’s to the CEO’s themselves–every moving part is vital to humanity’s progression. From the mother who wakes up nine times in the night to soothe a crying baby to the lawyer who falls asleep on a desk of work–the dedication and resilience is astounding to me. And exceptional.
As women we need to stand together, Amy. We need to remind the world of why mothers and wives and husbands and those within the walls of our homes help build nations. We need to stick together and cheer each other on for building families, building businesses, building futures, building homes and most importantly–building people.
We need to remind the world of the courageousness and importance of womanhood. That, my friend, is what’s truly and undeniably exceptional.
All my best,
A fellow blogger
32 thoughts on “Women in the home are exceptional: A letter to a feminist blogger”
Kayla, you got it right. Absolutely right.
I love that when you write it only builds people up. You’re writing never diminishes anyone else’s opinions or feelings. I wish more people could express their opinions like you do. Thanks for being a soft magnificent voice in this hard loud world.
Thank you for your words and recognizing the vital role of motherhood. I’m a previous special ed teacher and while I once aspired to be an educational leader I have learned that being a mother is the greatest career one can ever hold. Someone wise once said to me that nobody will care and love your children more than you. My children are a gift and were entrusted in my care. The person I need to please is my Father in Heaven not some big wig or CEO. While I miss my career sometimes I have learned that during this season of my life my career is motherhood and I’m doing the most important work and that is raising children of God and like with all careers sometimes it is challenging but most days are rewarding and the pay that I receive is richer then what money or a high esteemed career could ever buy and give to me. I also know that I’m smart, capable, successful, and above all I’m a daughter of God who has great potential.
I agree with what Rebekah Norton said. Girl, you got some serious skillz!!! Love reading. Got emotional with this one. I AM a mother…and sometimes (eh-hem, a bit lately) i don’t feel very important and loved. I know I am wrong even as I am feeling it. I like how you said that your mother was “building you”. *sigh*.. So much opposition in this thing, but I do have a good mommy myself and she helps remind me of WHO I really am… Thanks, Kayla.
❤ this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
All I can say is… THANK YOU:) And I love you! enough said!
It’s so sad that there are people out there that forget exactly what you said– that EVERY role is an important one, from the one raising the CEO to the CEO himself. I’m a few months pregnant and have worked for years in a very fast paced, high demand job that I LOVE, but I know there will be no job more important than raising this sweet baby in The Gospel and giving it all the love and attention it deserves. I was raised by a mom who stayed home, and I’m better for it! Thank you for writing this!
I too was the same way 🙂
Like others have said….simply, thank you.
You nailed it; thank you! My daughters make me feel so exceptional; because of the human being I became, from being a mother and a wife. We are building big, important things, when we build our children’s self esteem, self worth, character, integrity, honesty, spirituality and views of the world. YOU are an EXCEPTIONAL writer!!
All through Amy Glass’s blog post, I was waiting for discussion of the role of wife/mother in our culture and society. It never happened. It was blaringly absent. Leaving out this element left me with the impression that this was not an intelligent discussion, barely persuasive. It did, though, leave me with the impression that Amy Glass is just bitter. At this point, she has lost all credibility. So, Kayla, I was so relieved when I saw the words “…every moving part is vital to humanity’s progression.” That clinched it. Thank you!
Reblogged this on The Involuntary Housewife and commented:
What an exceptional comeback. I have great respect for Stay Home Moms, more now that I am The Involuntary Housewife than ever before. Long live the exceptional Moms of the world that sacrifice to raise exceptional children.
RIght on! You have quite a way with words.
Thank you so much. This part brought me to grateful tears: “But I also know that when I threw up all over my sheets in the middle of the night when I was just 7-years-old and my mother woke up to wash, dry, and fold them right back over my bed, humming a song as she scratched my back and put me to sleep again, she was doing a work far greater than building any business. She was building me. That is exceptional.” The whole post is very well written. Thank you for taking the time to write this. When I read Amy’s post it hurt me even though I knew it was a lie. And now reading this post has healed that hurt as you reminded me what I have known deep down all along but didn’t know exactly how to put it in words. You put it in words perfectly. Thank you again.
What an exceptional blog. Kudos! Date: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 03:31:38 +0000 To: email@example.com
One of the excellent moms I’ve worked with as a volunteer in Girl Scouts has called herself the “Household CEO,” considering she does all the planning, project management, financial oversight, employee motivation, supplies procurement, facilities management, and on and on.
She also is an extremely liberal, highly-educated former lawyer who set aside the traditional career track in order to raise her children. Now that most are grown, she works part time at the local high school helping students apply to college.
I think that qualifies as a fulfilled life.
(My mom’s a pretty good household CEO too, by the way).
WELL SAID! Thanks!
Well said, both substance and style. Thanks!
Thank you for so eloquently putting mammy of our feelings. Your honesty and kindness in your words brings so much to this world full of angry voices. As always your post does not disappoint.
THANK YOU!!!!!! I pray that I can be as exceptional in my role as a stay at home mom as those have been in your life. This mad me cry. I sit here nursing my 5 month old 5th child, with tears streaming down my face. I got married young ( 1 week before 19)fully by choice. I feel like I have done a lot. Lived a happy life. I have gone out to the world and been successful. But at the end I cry and say ” I just want to be home with my babies” I get looked down on by those out in the “world” and by those quite life stay at home moms. But I love my busy life of dance, soccer, cheer, wrestling. volleyball and church things. Yes it is very busy and stressful at times. But to see that smile on 10 yr daughter after she gets a ball over the net. Or hear my autistic son say a word right for the first time, for my little princes diva say mom I am just as smart as I am beautiful ha? or my little mas be so proud he just knocked my brother in the jaw ( it is his fault I told him not to teach him how hahaha) because now can fight like a big boy. and see my little girl sitting up and so happy to see me. I have many nights of no sleep at all. of tears of what to make that all my children can and will eat. but I am more then glad to live my every day like this. and yes I would do it again and again in I had a choice. But “that” post made me kinda mad but mostly sad. Will all that I do go in vain? The things I more then willing sacrifice for my children be for nothing? I am happy and full of joy and feel successful ( even more after my amazing birthday parties or when the neighbor kids get to wear a costume to the school party because I have lots of extras I have made). but what if my daughter feels the same as this girl does? Will my children see my role in their life as pointless and degradation of myself? I pray that they will not! That they will see how much I loved them!!! That how much I loved myself enough to give myself the higher level of happiness or maybe just a different kind of happiness. I dont care if they don’t choose the same as me, I just hope they are happy I made mine.
Exactly! It takes two people to make a person and many people to build a person. Way to build up women! I really hope this blogger can heal from whatever experiences she’s had that made her despise wives & mothers so much. I appreciate your positive response to her. This is what makes a difference in the world- uniting, not dividing! I wouldn’t chastise a career woman for not choosing my path- I don’t know her whole story, but I know that I can love her & show compassion! Thanks for reminding all of us of this!
Well written! Thank you!
Great post, Kayla. I really appreciate your words about the importance of all women regardless of their job title. I’m thankful for your perspective. I pray your post gets the same viewing as Amy’s – your response affirming wives and mothers needs to be heard. Grace and peace to you.
Beautifully expressed! I used to feel this way as well, but the older I get the more I realize just how talented mothers/wives really are. Rather than taking on one position, they are a tutor, chef, appointment-setter, counselor and so much more. I consider myself a feminist, but I like your view that women should encourage each other and excel and whatever role they choose to fill.
I love you post. The only thing I would add, is that I would really question where her hatred of the stay-at-home mom, or even a mom came from. Does she not have a mom that gave birth to her, guided her, encouraged her to be what ever form of great she was. Why would she deny that Greatness is necessary to produce all the CEO’s in this world.
Reblogged this on Since You Did Not Ask, I'll Tell You Anyway and commented:
Well said, fellow blogger, and thank you!
How shocking, that she hid behind a pseudonym… oh except it’s not.
While I completely agree with what you are saying about motherhood. I absolutely hate that you use the word ‘feminist’ like it is a pejorative term. Feminism is the thought that women have rights that make them equal to men, basically we are both human and should be treated with the same respect. It is not synonymous with ‘Mommy Haters’ or ‘Man Haters’, although there are some people who claim feminism that are haters. I would highly encourage women to read a variety of sources regarding Third Wave Feminism. I believe there are many people who would find it a rather agreeable movement filled with compassion and love for the entire human race in all their callings.