I don’t like talking about hard lessons when I was in the wrong to begin with.
It’s a pride thing. Or an ego thing. Something like that.
It’s just simply uncomfortable.
I’d rather be the all-wise guru of knowledge that reeks of love and acceptance and all things righteous (yes, you can laugh). But…*sigh*. I’m human.
So are you, so I think I’m in good company, especially since I know so many of you and you’re all pretty much my tribe.
Today something difficult happened and I think the reason it was harder than usual is I haven’t had these kinds of feelings before and I haven’t had such inner turmoil about something like it either.
Someone I know pretty well has risen to the top in many ways. Lots of friends and acquaintances have shared this person’s work on social media and even affiliates from my church has endorsed this person. But each time I see it or read about it, a lump forms in my throat because of what I know. You see, I know this person and details that aren’t published for the world to see. I know what’s real, I know what’s fake, I know the back stories and the histories and even present situations and I know the damage that has been caused to other people who are now a platform for this person’s success. I refuse to discuss details. I haven’t told a single soul anything–not a name, not anything. But today I have carried it in my heart like a heavy stone and even said a simple prayer.
“Why, Heavenly Father, is (this person) allowed to deceive? Why do people who hurt or lie or become like the world gain such success and have NO repercussions?”
I know it probably sounds silly. Some of you might even think it sounds immature of me. But this blog isn’t to flash my perfection. It’s to discuss our collective imperfections.
I know that at least one of you out there have experienced this very thing, even if it’s a different circumstance. One of you has seen an abusive ex gain an incredibly prosperous life without you. One of you has been betrayed by a friend who looks perfect in all her profile pictures and hasn’t batted an eye that you carry pain. One of you out there has been hurt by a pastor or a minister who drives a Rolls Royce and couldn’t care less that you’ve left and feel like you have nothing. One of you out there, at least one of you, has wondered why karma hasn’t caught up to those who have left dirty, bloody war wounds on those around them.
And now, it’s later in the night and I think the quiet has helped me realize something that I wasn’t able to grasp during the noise of the day.
There’s no such thing as karma. And I shouldn’t even want there to be.
But there is such thing as a Heavenly Father. And He works everything out.
Our job on this earth isn’t to be on His jury to dole out the punishments we think we see fit or the “karma” that should roll around. If that were the case, that’d be a pretty sinful, hypocritical, biased jury wouldn’t it? I surely wouldn’t belong on that panel.
I’m grateful that we have a loving Savior and a gracious Heavenly Father who sees all things, just as we do, but who also sees the heart and can be the perfect judge. I’m grateful that when I feel the inclination to judge and be offended, He reminds me that I’m overstepping my bounds and that I shouldn’t judge lest I be judged likewise.
In James 4:12 it says so simply, “There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?”
And in Galatians 6:7 it reminds us that He sees all and will take care of it even better than we could: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
It’s so hard to remember this, especially when our first inclination as human beings is to defend what we feel is right and to “correct” the wrongs that we see. I think we sometimes have the nasty habit of sniffing out wrongs like hound dogs and forgetting the things we still have to work on.
I see so many positive things now that I’m looking for them. One of my blog reader’s daughters just beat cancer. One of my friends who has been battling infertility just sent me a picture of her first ultrasound. My dog sleeps at my feet, precious and perfect. It was sunny today and the tulips in my front yard decided to burst into full bloom. Beauty everywhere.
So much to praise. Not enough time to condemn.
I’ll just go ahead and leave that up to the Master.