There’s a certain phrase I’ve come to really dislike.
All my life, I’ve heard this phrase whenever I go through a rough patch. *And by rough patch, I mean a prickly, gnarly patch that leaves me bleeding to near death*. You’re probably familiar with those kinds of “patches”.
“God will never give you more than you can handle” is the phrase I’m referring to.
And it’s a sweet sentiment, really. The people who say it are speaking from caring and concerned hearts.
BUT–it isn’t true.
I know that sounds harsh, but I promise I haven’t suddenly lost my mind or have become an angry-with-God bitter woman who hates the world. Actually, when I realized the simple fact that God can–and will–give us more than we can possibly bear, it got easier.
And it all started to make more sense.
I’ve often trudged through trials that overwhelm me. Ever since my childhood there have been trials that have made me “grow up” pretty fast. But granted, I know for a fact you’ve had your own fair share too, because that’s the reality of life. But this last trial is the one that shook me to my core and had me searching like a mad woman for answers as to why it was happening–and how I could possibly even survive it.
I lost my Dad to cancer last month–if you’re a follower of mine, this is old news. But–it was absolutely horrific.
Every day leading up to his death was like walking through every level of hell–slowly– for lack of a better term. There’s no other way to describe it. The images…the sounds…the sleepless nights…the cries for God while we look on, helpless…the torment of rubbing morphine in his cheeks, praying it’ll absorb–but to no avail. The horrible, wrenching pain that came with lifting him up, laying him back down, lifting him up, laying him back down…because he became so restless and cried out for “home” every few minutes. And all along, in the back of my mind, I reminded myself that millions of people go through this, and have already gone through this, very thing. And it is simply unbearable. If you disagree–it’s because you haven’t been there.
This trial was so consuming that I hate to even put it in the past tense–sometimes it still consumes me. Yesterday, at my Dad’s memorial service, it consumed me all over again.
I’ve suffered from nightmares where I relived the memory over and over mercilessly–I sometimes see his face on strangers that pass and worry that I’m going crazy. I cry over sad songs in the car and torture myself with stacks of pictures and yellowed photo albums. It’s beyond just missing him. And even with a firm testimony of the gospel and with peace that he is exactly where the Lord prepared him for, it is still too much for me to handle at times. It steals my breath–and it can steal my joy.
So, the other day, I turned to the scriptures. I needed help.
I wanted to know where that phrase was that people kept repeating to me in church and at work and over the phone. Why did the Lord “trust me so much”?! Why did He think I could handle these kinds of trials?
And then I realized: I couldn’t find that quote because it isn’t there.
It never mentions anywhere in the scriptures that the Lord won’t give you more than you can handle. Yes, in 1 Corinthians 10:13 it speaks of Him giving us an escape from temptations so that it’s not too much to bear. But when it comes to pain, trials, heartache, and burdens– not once does it say it won’t be more than we can bear. Instead, it beautifully says this instead:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me…for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11: 28-30)
The words struck my heart, as you can imagine. Christ is speaking to those of us who are carrying burdens much too heavy for our own shoulders. And in that one verse he simply states the reason why we are given more than we can handle: It’s so we can come to him. It’s so we can trust him enough to hand over our heavy, crippling burdens and let him carry the load.
You might be heavy laden right now like I was before reading and re-reading and re-reading once again this scripture that has never stuck out to me as much as it has lately.
You might be shrunken with sadness or drowning in debt. You might be overwhelmingly angry at someone at church or aching under the pressures of raising children or maybe the inability to have them. You might be dealing with a terminal disease and you still have young children. And chances are–you might need your Redeemer to find you on the path and take up that heavy cross you’re dragging. Besides, even he tells us that he’s more equipped to carry it, so why not hand it over?
I’ve come to learn–slowly but surely–why I need Him.
I suppose it’s because of pride that I always thought I could just do things on my own. I’m strong, I’d say. I’m a tough cookie. I can help others through their tribulations while carrying mine all by myself. Well…wasn’t I wrong.
I didn’t really know what needing him meant until I had no other choice. I didn’t know what it meant until I wrapped my arms around my middle so I wouldn’t fall apart–or the time I choked on tears and yelled toward Heaven. Or the times when I was utterly alone, and the silence was too much to bear. Those are the times that taught me he’s not just a want or a convenient symbol of love or a reason to do good deeds.
No, he’s the very air we breathe.
And he’s the only one who can make it bearable when life is simply anything but.
all our lemmony things 
So glad you were able to pull thru the situation and see Jesus in it all. Praise the Lord!
It’s a pity verses like this are taken out of context so often, or even misinterpreted…the English Standard Version says it best in my opinion…
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
He’s not really talking about trials at all in that scripture/chapter, just temptations (which, admittedly, often come with trials) and, more specifically in that chapter, idolatry. Even in translations with the word “handle,” it’s pretty clear Paul’s not writing about trials. Honestly, it has more to do with the way you reacted to the scripture rather than your life trial, because you were tempted to not believe that He would pull you through. I’ve come across a terrible number of scriptures in the lives of my friends and [especially] myself that have been taken way out of context and prayed over and cried over when it could have been remedied by simply studying the scripture and the chapter it’s in over maybe 10-15 minutes. Your struggle with that verse probably wouldn’t have taken much more…something to think about 🙂
Even so, it IS true the other way, too…you DID handle it, lol. Your “BUT – It isn’t true.” is false…please be careful saying a scripture isn’t true, that’s like calling God a liar. I don’t recall anywhere that God promises something in a tone that is centered around us, though many of them are looked at that way and they are directed toward us. When we look at that verse, we (yes, I have, too) apply it to our lives and what we perceive as trials, rather than the objective, overshadowing, long-term, Jesus-centered perspective the Bible’s always using. To us, “handling” something means holding our head during it…to Him, “handling” it would mean making it thru without turning away from Him. Note this: every single good thing He promises in that book comes ONLY with a relationship with Christ because He is the way, truth, life, and ONLY way to the God from which the blessings and mercy flow…which is where we CAN handle anything (or turn from every temptation). Even if it takes gallons of blood, sweat, and tears, we WILL make it thru if we lean on Him. …not that any of us are perfect enough to do everything right or remember that 100% of the time, but you know 😉
Anyway, I’ve been known to be an idiot listening to “scripture” I didn’t read, that’s why I’m encouraging others to wise up more quickly haha. So, to everyone I say: grab another translation or two (NKJ, NIV, ESV, maybe the Message as a supplement; BibleGateway has tons of em on their site) and READ to try to figure out if you mistook something before you shed tears or rage believing something God never said, either thru misinterpretation, misinformation, or something out of context. Don’t ask people if you keep getting confused, ask the great I AM and He will make it clear in His time.
No, God will never give you more than He knows you can bear. And, He will always give you a way to deal with it and help you bear it. If you truly believe in Him and what He says that is. If you are not a true believer then He will let Satan have his way with you and there is still a way to deal with it but you have to accept and deal with it. Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee you a trouble, pain free life. If anything it guarantees you will be attacked by the enemy even more and you will have to fight your way through even more bad things. But there is always a way through those bad things if you go through them with God.
Thank you….. I needed this.
You have no idea how much I needed to read those words! It was not
“by accident” that a friend of mine on Facebook posted the link. Thank you so much for sharing…
Yes, you are so right. 1 Corinthians 1: 8-9: . . . “We were crushed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. IN fact we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.”
No words rang more true. I lost my dad to a terrible death from cancer in 2007 and it was just as you described. When well meaning folks said those words, it was hollow sounding to me. I love your take on it. I finally came to realize that if I allowed myself to wallow in the pain of his death, it was Satan keeping me from focusing on the joy of his life. And yes, Christ bore my burdens and continues to do so as long as I remember that HE is in charge.
I have a lot of health problems & I’ve lost both my parents & two of my brothers. But all that rolled together can not compare to when my daughter died. she was 34 yrs old & was also my very best friend. She was an awesome person, beautiful inside & out. I can promise you that it is more than you can bear by yourself. thank God we don’t have to. I would not bring her back for anything I love her to much to ever see her hurt again. II know she is in Heaven & no longer is in pain, but there are a lot of days I have to remind myself of that & ask for help again
I trust my testimony will give someone some encouragement about God’s faithfulness. I was born late in life to my parents; my sister and brother were in college the year I was born. As a child, I worried about my parents dieing, but God allowed them to live to see me married and widowed for the first time. My husband was killed in a plane crash at 27, leaving me to raise my 3 and 1 yr old sons alone. Soon after, I learned the songs, “Learning to Lean on Jesus” and “Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow” and rely on II Corinthians 12:9, 10 My grace is sufficient for you; My strength is made perfect in weakness”. . .for when I am weak, then am I strong. 2 years later my father died. A year later I had surgery and weakened physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I began to doubt God’s love and fell into a depression. But even though I was unfaithful, God wasn’t, and He brought me out of the depression when I confessed my sin of doubt. When my boys were in high school, my brother’s wife, my mother-in-law who was my best friend, and my father-in-law all died of cancer within a 2 year period. When my boys were in college, the Lord sent a retired missionary who was also widowed, into my life and we married. 7 years later my 97 year old mother died, a year later my sister’s husband died and 2 weeks later my husband died of cancer. Through it all, God has been faithful and has given me the grace to live through this and rejoice in Him. Has it been easy? Definitely not!!! I still rely on II Corinthians 12, because His grace is sufficient. Did I grieve? Most definitely. I’m looking forward to the day when I will see Him face to face and He will finish His healing that He began 40 years ago when my first husband went to be with Him. As you struggle with grief, continue in His Word and let Him comfort you. Then you will be able to comfort others who are going through the same thing you have gone through (II Corinthians 1:4). May God bless anyone who reads this with His peace, joy, and comfort.
Thank you for putting into words what it is like to lose a parent to cancer. My mom was my best friend and I thought I simply could not bear the pain. My divorce was final and my mom’s diagnosis came on the same day and I did not know why God was allowing this to happen to me and my children. It helps to know someone understands my desperation and feeling of failure to be strong enough to handle it all.
I agree to a point, but I don’t believe we are purposely given troubles so we’ll come to Him. I believe He is there offering a shoulder because life will give us troubles. Saying God gives us trouble to make us do something sounds manipulative and rather mean and it turns people away from Him. I don’t believe that’s true. Like any good parent, He can’t stop what we will put ourselves through or what others will put us through; He can only be there to help guide us.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I know that hold yourself tight feeling so you don’t break. It will ease.
Thank you for sharing your testimony! I find myself uttering that phrase during times of trial and tribulation for the simple fact its easier for me to be in denial. But, the feeling of relief is only short term and I eventually continue to feel overwhelmed and sadden by whatever the current trial is- I also find I do not truly get the ‘peace that passes all understanding’ until I lay my woe at the foot of God and trust that He will carry me through the fire. There has been a string of events lately that have taken me to the same place you found yourself. While I can relate to your trial as I watched my blessed grandfather go through the same kind of death, your testimony really spoke to me but for an entirely different reason. My 3 year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The kind of agony that I have tortured myself with is so extreme that I used my default feel better phrase “God will never give you more than you can handle”. Great right? Lie to myself to make me feel better about the current situation. The truth is I would do anything to make this go away for my precious baby. I would sacrifice my own self for his health. He has a long life ahead of him, and I just kept screaming why? I do understand that Type 1 Diabetes is manageable, but as a parent to a young one who does not understand its dangers, it is terrifying. I had to come to a place, when I wasn’t angry, to realize often God does give us way more than we can handle. Regularly. He wants us to lay our worries at his feet. Now the Bible has A LOT to say about worry, this verse just popped out and I hope that it ministers to you just as much as it did with me.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
God wants us to be at Peace. To come to a place where we leave everything at His feet and trust that He will carry us along the path. But He does not want us complacent, to a point where we are so comfortable that we believe we can do without Him. So you are correct- He can, He will, and often time DOES give us more we can handle but not so much that we can’t handle it with out His help by bringing us back to the alter- again and again and again.
Great entry. I learned to dislike this comment after a loss not unlike yours. The pain was unbearable. I pleaded with God for relief, to back up and change things. Surely He didn’t think I could handle this! Then I found 2 Corinthians 1:8 where Paul said he was “under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.” Finally, someone who really understood!
Paul’s explanation was simple (v9) “But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.”
Lord I pray for Kayla and the pain she and others are suffering. May they find peace in knowing you. Amen
Great post, although very heart wrenching. I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a few years ago. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured, and it angered me to hear things like “God will never give us more than we can handle” or “Time will heal your pain”. People might as well just walked up and punched me directly in the face. If no one has gone through the loss of a loved one, especially a father, they are better off not saying anything at all. I always say that God will never give us anything that HE can’t handle.
You have so eloquently penned your thoughts and feelings about this issue. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless.
Chris
Thank you for this post. Although I have never yet had to experience something quite as tough as the death of an immediate family member, I definitely have experienced miserable circumstances that I can’t “handle”. The empty promise that “God will never give you more than you can handle” has always bothered me because it’s just not true, and I think it’s a perfect example of why we should use scripture alone to teach truths about God instead of throwing around cliches that don’t come from the Bible.
Amen!
Woahhhhh….you have no idea how much impact this will have on so many lives.
Although I agree with what you’ve written, I don’t believe God throws us into trials. This world is ruled by Satan until Christ comes back. God doesn’t hand us trials, the world does. God uses those trials to show us love and mercy. There is beauty in the breaking and God’s glory shines through it all because He is almighty and powerful, but He doesn’t put us into trouble. It comes to us and will continue to come to us until it is restored to its original, sinless and perfect nature.
I’m so sorry for the pain that you’ve gone through. Life can be very tough on us sometimes and I’m so happy for you that your strength and faith has seen you through. I also don’t like the statement about God never putting more on us than we can bear, but for a different reason than what it seems like most Christians think. And that’s because I don’t think God puts the bad stuff on us in the first place. I’ve heard so many people try to give spiritual comfort to someone going through hell by telling them “God won’t put more on you than you can handle”, which means the hell you are going through is coming from you loving Father in Heaven. Tell me where in the Bible it ever says that? I’ve looked, and it doesn’t. God loves us and Jesus came to give us LIFE, not death. Satan is the one who came to kill, steal, and destroy. He’s the one who convinced my mother to commit suicide, who brought sickness and disease into the world, and who is ultimately to blame that you dad, and my dad, died of cancer and heart disease. God didn’t do that to them……or to us. But, what God does, when we allow Him to, is bring grace…..and strength…..and peace in our lives in the midst of the storms….right smack in the middle of the onslaught of hell. And His grace gets us through. Just as you said toward the end of your blog, we do need Him. We need him everyday but unfortunately we only seem to realize it in the storms of life. But instead of having the mindset that God will give us the strength to make it through the hell that HE is putting us through, let’s realize that He will give us the strength to be victorious through the hell that the devil puts us through. Let’s praise His name for that. Blessings.
Thank you SO much for posting this. This described me to a “T” even right down to the fact about losing such a wonderful dad to cancer and having all the visuals. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced something exactly like what I was reading, but boy this was SO me!!!! Thank you so much
It all comes down to your relationship with Jesus Christ. How much you trust HIM, how to look for the miracles HE lays before you in the world. People who help you, pray with you, take care of you, the incidents most would call coincidence are really HIS help. This is how you manage trials with HIS help and guidance. The pain is real, the minutes are agonizing, the days are endless but HE never leaves you. If you feel lost, it is because YOU left HIM. This is reality and HE is real. Sometimes it just takes a while to get your mind by on track with HIS plan. Usually it becomes evident to us after the trial has passed. Just remember to call out HIS name often and LOOK FOR HIS HELP! It is always there, it is our failure to hold on. I have faced many trials in my 70 years including losing my pregnant daughter in a car accident. GOD sent an angel in fireman’s clothing to help me at the scene that was only visible to me. no one else saw him or heard him. This was my confirmation HE heard my cries and sent help in this time of danger to me. I Know HE is very real and cares for us if we only TRUST and BELIEVE.
so maybe we should say from now on…”God will not give you more then He Can Handle”. Thank you for your insight.
I have always loved and believed that Jesus was near, but at age 38 I found out how near……I can never deny the power he endowed me with to continue on when my heart was broken with pain, sorrow, fear and betrayal. I know and can never deny He loves me with an infinite love and is my Redeemer, my Savior, my all.
Reblogged this on Beauty from Ashes.
So sorry for your loss 😦
Can’t imagine what you have been through and the toll it has taken. I don’t disagree with the article just the way it was conveyed. But aren’t you handling it but with Christ’s help now? So technically you can handle it you just have to realize the best way to handle it. Which is with the help of Christ.
Beautiful!
Your story really touched my heart. I lost my dad to cancer 3 weeks ago today. He was my best friend and it has been the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. We found out he had the stage 4 cancer 2 days before Thanksgiving and he died a week before Christmas. It happened so quickly and our very close family was blindsided by the whole experience. My mom and him were married for 45 years and with this being hard on all of us, it’s the hardest to see my mom (also my best friend) left now by herself. I have felt spiritually drained, like I can’t really pray but when I do it’s like I’m just going through the motions and I feel like not being close to God right now is making this process even more difficult. I come from an extremely devout family, my father included. I have attended mass pretty much every Sunday with my parents my entire life and now I just feel lost. I’m a single girl who just turned 30 and I’m now struggling with what direction I want to go in my life. I know in my heart it all starts with God. I just need to get myself out of my spiritual slump so that I can gain the grace to get through this process and help my family through it as well. Thank you for sharing your story.
God Bless
Kayla, I feel such a connection with you. I lost my Dad about 4 1/2 months ago, not to a terminal disease but just out of the blue – he was riding his bike and he was hit by an SUV. I read another article (http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/yes-god-will-give-you-more-you-can-handle) on this same phrase, and thought, “That is so true, God does give us more than we can handle. But His grace is sufficient for us, and His strength is perfected in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).” I always thought of myself as a strong person too, but God has been teaching me that I need to admit my weakness in order to glorify Him. I was always a “reasonable” person who didn’t let my emotions show and so after my dad died I have often thought I must be going crazy. But just when I think I can’t take another step He gives me the strength to keep going. That is my prayer for you too. I love you, my sister in Christ.
Rachel
I agree with the writer of this article! I have also sat at the bed side of of my at death’s door disabled daughter and watched her riddled with pain that I could do nothing about. I have buried two of my other children, one that has died from complications of a disability and one that died in an accidental drowning with a babysitter while I was at work.
I remember sitting in my one less child house when it was quiet having my mind to play tricks on me. I could hear my child in the next room. I would wake in the middle of the night to her calling for me. I have had two husbands, one a Methodist Pastor, leave me for adulterous relationships. It was my pastor husband that sexually abused our disabled daughter and tried to kill her. She suffers emotional and physical scars that will never go away and have forever changed the course of her future.
Scripture says we are to go to God with our pain and trials, and I do. Scripture also never states that we will not be given more than we can handle. Folks, you have to understand how to properly interpret Scripture to gain the the Author/author original intent of Scripture – we do not have the right as the created being to give our own desired interpretation to Scripture – God’s intent it the only interpretation we must glean.
The other item to understand is this – our purpose in God’s creation is but one and one only…to Glorify Him. We are to, through all of life’s circumstances, through our pain and suffering, our losses and our gains give all the glory and honour and praise to God and God alone. “For in him we live, and move, and have our being…” Acts 17:28
The theologian John Gill in his study of this passage of scripture says this: “The natural life which men live is from God; and they are supported in it by him; and from him they have all the comforts and blessings of life; and all motions, whether external or internal, of body or of mind, are of God, and none of them are without the concourse of his providence, and strength assistance from him; though the disorder and irregularity of these motions, whereby they become sinful, are of themselves, or of the devil; and their being, and the maintenance of it, and continuance in it, are all owing to the power and providence of God.”
We gain peace from knowing that God is the one that upholds all things. We gain strength knowing that our purpose and the road we must travel not only draws us closer to our creator, but glorifies Him. When grounded in these truths we can withstand any trial that befalls us. Otherwise we may fall prey to “any whim of doctrine” that comes around the corner and “tickles our ears” this week or the next.
Praise be to God for the true understanding that this young woman has come to know and be sure is was God that gave to her the ability to see.
Blessings!
In His Strength and Song.
LSH
Cocoa Florida
So very true and heart felt. Another phrase that I found to be similar is “it could be worse” . I discovered several years ago that people often said this in order to make you feel better. It only served to anger me because s that moment it was my worst! I didn’t want to know what could be worse. It is true that you do learn to lean on Him. Thank you for sharing your pain. It reminds me of my time and how important it is to trust.
Julie
I, too, have questioned the truth of that statement . As a human being, sometimes called upon to act as a Relief Society president , I see women being crushed by burdens too heavy to be borne alone. I can occasionally wedge a lever under the load for a moment or two in the world of material and emotional weights. Food from the bishops storehouse, rides to the doctor, listening to grief and sorrow; sending in home cooked meals at the end of bad days: these are small bundles I can remove from the total load. But turning to the Savior for the ultimate lightening is a motion of the soul that only the individual can make. The best help we can give one another is to point to Him as the Way. With this essay, you have done that, and I thank you for it.
Thanks so much for this! I know we all have different “trials” but I have always hated this saying ! I’m not an active member right now and it’s mainly because I can’t add anything to my already overflowing plate! It’s so easy once you stop attending church to let everything fall by the wayside…. I’ve even stopped talking to God! This when I need him most! Nothing has touched me like your post I saw on FB today! NOTHING! I have not lost my parents yet…. I’m so sad for you because I know my day will come and it will be incredibly hard but I honestly feel like I’ve had my fair share of pain and misery! I just keep telling myself that I will eventually get through everything and be rewarded at some point! You really made me think about things! For that I am eternally grateful!
Thank you for this post , every time a sweet little grandma tells me that I want to slap them .. Lol .. It’s just simply not scripture and I think the devil made it up so when things get overwhelming and we can bear it we give up on God because we are not reading and understand it for ourselves … So many Christians don’t study for themselves 😦
I read this as I sit by my mom’s bedside keeping vigil while she makes the transition from this world into the next. I, too, have had numerous trials in the last 3 years which has made me question my faith and this statement. In January 2011 my mother-in-law died in a house fire, in February that year my 15 year old daughter almost died, January 2012 my mom had a heart attack and in February my dad passed away. In January of 2013 my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and now this January I sit here watching my mom slowly die. I’ve had people ask me if my husband and I have questioned our faith in God, and the answer most definitely is yes, however, we realize He will help is through. I’ve told others that I understand God only gives us what He thinks we can handle but I wish he would pass it on to someone else.
I will not lose my faith on God because I know he will get me through my darkest times, if only I let Him.
Go to God’s word , the Bible, to find truth!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in The Lord with all your heart. And DONOT lean on your own understanding.
A beautiful, vulnerable, tender post… Thank you for sharing your heart and grief. As I read your words, my thoughts went to the scripture, “Just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also is our comfort.” (2 Cor.1:5) Yes, he is the very air we breathe and sometimes when life gets impossibly heavy and hard, we feel and experience that more keenly than other times. Breath by very breath… May his love and warmth and comfort be ever so close to you, may you feel his breath on your face. Blessings…
Thank you. I’ve spoken against the misuse of this verse. You have presented truth and I pray it finds home in many hurting hearts.
I love how you have put this. This is how I see it – He won’t give us more than we can bear – ALONE. I went through a trial so difficult it made me question my faith. I have a very strong testimony and had one for a long time before my trial – which was my husband passing away in a car accident in front of me. I told my bishop it was the most horrible time, but the most beautiful at the same time….because I had the gospel and the knowledge that He would get me through this. A knowledge of bright hope – even though my life was anything but hopeful at that time. I prayed and prayed to know how my husband was because he wasn’t active and I was very worried. The scriptures don’t offer much hope in cases like that….but my Heavenly Father did. He showed me….more than once. I realized after many years and having this trial nearly do me in – that I had gone through ‘my own Gethsemane’. Not to diminish at all what the Savior had gone through…but I truly felt that way….and then read one day that we each have to go through our own Gethsemane. It all began to make some sense to me then….and I am grateful for the things I have been blessed with and have learned through this trial – because I would not have learned them any other way.
May you be blessed with peace and comfort that can only come from Him – through his grace and love and the atonement. May you find answers that you need/want and may you be blessed to feel the love of those around you. Thank you again for sharing.
I just shared this article with my family members. The words of this page jumped right out at me. There are those who say, “God will never give you more than you can handle” and very personally know Christ as their strength. These are the ones who will cry with you, pray with and for you, and help you carry your load in practical ways. However, some will repeat the same phrase and although it may be well-intentioned, it can seem heartless and full of lack of experience. These are the ones that give you a quick “pat on the back” and can’t even think of the simplest way (even just praying with you in the moment) to help with the burden. Here is where I think the big difference is. The phrase can heal if accompanied with compassion, the presence of the Holy Spirit and love shown in the simplest and most practical ways. On the other hand, the phrase can also sting… Those that love the Lord and have gone through great challenges can come to TRUST Him when He says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6). I’ve experienced different challenges (different from the author) throughout life that did seem almost too much to bear, although I’ve always had Christ at my side to give me strength. Phillipians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” It was always so comforting when those that loved the Lord would go the extra mile to show His love, grant compassion, and help carry the burden. I believe as Christians, we are called to do that. Jesus met the needs of people in both spiritual and practical ways. Two things I take from this article that greatly bless me: 1. to remind me that Christ understands my burdens / challenges and will be with me in the most difficult times AND that I can trust Him to send those into my life who will be full of compassion to help is some ways (at least I’m praying from now that He will – when I need the help/ encouragement the most) / 2. to keep a compassionate heart for those who are going through some of the greatest challenges of their lives and to pray & be the hands and feet of Christ to those who need Him the most. …Thank you for the article. Wonderful. A true blessing. Thank you for sharing. Keeping you in prayer 🙂
That’s all it is….just a sentiment, with no truth in it. I’ve always disliked that sentiment also, for it wasn’t true, very misleading, even into more despair. I’ve been going through very hard times, even for years, now seems to be several ongoing things! Oh, so wanted to walk away from the Lord, yet to stay saved, but do the very minimal, maybe that would ease the burdens. Yet, that wasnt’ true either. My flesh said walk away, and let all go, yet, my spirit wouldn’t do so, for it was the Holy Spirit keeping me in it all! I don’t understand a lot of it, but, yet, can still trust the One who is with me in it all. I have been stretched! And, maybe, that is what HE is after! The enlarging of my tent for more of Him and less of me! 🙂 It has been a battle, but hope for the future.
Thanks for sharing. And may there be more of the Truth said/spoken so as to truly encourage and strengthen those in need, for anything else is shallow, for only Christ Jesus, who is the Word of God, can save. amen.
I too went through the pain of losing my earthly daddy…just like you. Once a day every day for a year we went for cancer treatments, and every day he would say..”I’m so sorry to have taken up your day” and every day I would say..”a day spent with Dad…priceless!” I too watched while he suffered with such incredible pain that I found it unbearable for him..and every day he praised his lord and Savior for the time he had with us..while I grumbled at how short the time would be. I miss my Dad..and it was SO MUCH MORE than I could handle..it still is. I too am grateful that I have a cross I can lay it at..one day at a time,
The reference in the bible to God never gives you more than you can bear, is actually referring to being tempted. Not suffering. It’s found in 1 Corinthians 10:13. As always people take things the word says out of context and distort it. But you are right. God wants us to give us all of our cares and he will bear them for us. And grant us peace in the midst.
Thank you! I have been saying this for years. If God never gave us more than we could handle, then why would we turn to Him? People have looked at me strangely when I correct them, some have even gotten angry with me. Sometimes, the Truth hurts. When we hurt enough, we will turn to our beloved creator who gives us his strength, because it is in our weakness that HE is strong!
I have learned that like so many of our attempts to “explain the unexplainable” and use the scriptures to do so, they are either misquoted or taken out of context as it often is with this verse, which refers to temptation..”God will not ALLOW (let) you to be TEMPTED above that you are able, but will with the temptation make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it.” Often it is quoted “God will not PUT more on you than you can bear.” this is hardly the picture of a Loving father who would deliberately inflict awful pain and suffering On His children simply to stand by and watch them hurt.
Does God discipline His children? Of course! If He didn’t as the Bible says we would not be children of God but “bastards.” But to blame God for all of these maladies must be like a slap to His face. No truly loving earthly father would ever do that to his children. Does some of God’s chastening come in the form of physical and emotional pain? The answer could be yes, but many times it is a consequence of behavior choices that are contrary to the principles God has given in His word. The Bible also tells us God takes no delight in chastening His children when they are disobedient, but does so because He loves them too much not to. HOWEVER, there are godly people I have known who suffer unbearable pain and sorrows, some more than their share and it seems that pain and sorrow are permanent members of their families!
Why do people, especially “good” people suffer? This question has puzzled laypeople, Bible God-loving people, and theologians for a long time and is as old as The story of Job. Sometimes when we well-meaning Believers want so badly to help those who are hurting by quoting scriptures or using Christian cliches, we become like Job’s friends, who were of no real comfort to him at all EXCEPT when they simply sat silent with him in his suffering and kept their mouths closed!
Someone has written, “the question is not why has this happened but rather what do I do now that it has?” I would guess that is where Job was when he said, “I have spoken things that were too high for me,” and ultimately came to the conclusion, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” That would appear to be the face of Faith! Someone else has written, “If God were small enough to be understood, He would be too small to be trusted.”
As is so aptly implied in the words of all who have responded to the original posting here are the words of an old song that come to mind, “God weeps along with man (woman) and takes him/her by the hands. Tears are a language God understands.” Does all of what I have orated here make the pain go away or explain why people suffer or why some people receive healing and others do not? I hope that I am not naive enough to believe that. But does it bring comfort in those dark nights to know and believe that the Creator of light and darkness holds our hands and cries with us when we hurt and cannot find relief from the pain?
I believe it can. There is another verse we can take comfort in that declares the sufferings of this present world can not be compared to the glory we will experience in the “truly perfect” sinless, un-cursed world to come that God is preparing for those who love and trust Him – even when everything we have heard and think we know about God doesn’t make sense!
Thank you for sharing yourself so transparently. I’m so sorry for the loss of your father & so sorry for the way he left this earth in much suffering. But, praise God for the power of His Word which cuts through our own pain & suffering, meets us right where we are, to bring us Himself, the Answer. Jesus says, “I’m Enough”, & He truly is.
I beleve that god will not give us anything that we cannot handle. We have to have faith and believe that it can be done.
As an aetheist this has no bearing or interest for me
I meant atheist!
Yes. Thank you. It is all so overwhelming. Thank you for affirming that I am not expected to “just do this”.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for being willing to be vulnerable and to comfort others out of your pain. I’m currently struggling through medical crises of my 5-month-old baby girl. I was writing about this at the same time you were, with a slightly different take. I would love to know what you think. http://paperfences.wordpress.com/2014/01/09/god-doesnt-give-us-more-than-we-can-handle-right/
even if you don’t read the post… do look at the video (which I found at NPR). I think you will love it if you haven’t seen it yet!