Divorce is an option

I don’t think I’ll ever forget her eyes.

Or the way her face changed when she told me, matter-of-factly, that it was done. Her husband left her and he wasn’t coming back.

The last two—three?—weeks have been circled around this very decision. We’ve all been impacted—losing sleep and losing our minds. He was our close friend too. It was a complete betrayal that left us all shocked and hurt.

He came home one day, packed a bag, and said the “D” word that means all the things that our worst fears and nightmares are made out of. He walked past their wedding album, grabbed a shirt she had bought him on vacation a couple months before, and that was that.

And it was nearly midnight when I got the call and came to—not pick up the pieces—but sit with her in the mess of pieces he left behind. There was no explanation. Now, three weeks later, there still isn’t. But it doesn’t matter because he’s gone.

abandoned

I watched her go from helpless to sad to angry to sad again to strong to weak all in the matter of hours and days. But there was no other choice. I helped her pack. I helped her cut up credit cards. I distracted her with Slurpees and potato chips and episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. I stayed up with her until she fell asleep and then I cried myself to sleep because I hadn’t had a chance to yet.

I watched her make the decision to get out of bed each day and the decision to quit her job and move out of state and the decision to start over. I watched her confront her mom and dad with eyes full of tears and I carried her hope chest into a waiting car, my arms carrying the weight of memories. I watched her wrestle with feelings of self doubt and grief and pain and anger with Heavenly Father. I watched her question whether she was pretty enough. Strong enough. Good enough. She never thought she’d be “that” girl.

But who does?

“Divorce isn’t an option,” she said to me a million times, once when I was half asleep one night. “Doesn’t he know that?”

And that’s when I realized: It is.

Of course divorce is an option. When we forget that, we judge incorrectly. We have a stigma within our churches and even within society that says, “Divorce isn’t an option” and instead of it being meant as, “Divorce shouldn’t ever be the first option and it shouldn’t be the convenient escape route” it casts a bad light on those who are left, who have to leave because of abuse or addiction, or for those who found themselves oppressed or abandoned in some other way.

We were sent to this earth with options. We have an option to get married—and we have the option to leave it, too. We have the option to abuse and hate and live for ourselves–and we have the option to choose God. Do we always choose the right options? No. Watching my friend curl up on the ground, watching her withdraw her paycheck and cancel her phone and leave her life behind for good to start all over—I know for a fact it wasn’t the right option he chose. But he made that decision. And she shouldn’t be left with the red letter A on her forehead. Because out of the terrible choices of others will always come remarkable blessings anyway.

woman with christ

The simple truth found in Isaiah 41:10 speaks plainly: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” 

No matter which choices we make–no matter what choices those around us make–we are in the palm of his hand. We are his children. Divorced, abused, heartbroken, lost, angry or abandoned–we’re his children. And we’ll make it.

I’m not writing this because I take marriage lightly or because I am an advocate for slipping the ring on and off without a second thought. I’m writing this because I watched someone I love break apart into a million pieces as soon as the door shut one Friday night—and I watched her keep breathing.

If divorce wasn’t an option—if we didn’t have the choice to move on from a terrible abuser or rise above the ashes of insecurity and self-hatred; if we didn’t have the agency to not only make a horrendous choice, but a choice to move forward with strength and choose well, then what kind of life would this be? And how would it ever lead to eternal life?

She is already branded. Stigmatized. Walking around with “young and divorced” as a banner isn’t a light load to lift. And especially within the church and Christianity and our own little social circles she will continue to be…all because “divorce isn’t an option”.

“He has his agency,” I remember telling her one night, staring toward an empty wall. “And he chose.”

And now she has to choose.

I’m inspired by her. Before we said our goodbyes she smiled and she said she knew she’d be okay. And I know she cried after she got in the car. Just like I did. But she moved her feet and kept going. She decided it wasn’t the end. That was her choice.

I learned a lot from her. Divorce is an option.

But so is love. So is strength. So is understanding.

And I’m grateful for that.

IMG_0574

**Picture and story used with permission**

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47 thoughts on “Divorce is an option

  1. This made me cry:( all I can still remember is her face as she drove off that day.. she 8 the sweetest thing, I know by God’s grace she will be ok because she has you kayla for her best friend:)

  2. I have never been accepted in the church. I was born to a single mother and raised by her. I was married at a fairly old age of 26. I had been at the age of 20 that if I were really living my religion I’d already be married. I didn’t have children–again not our choice. I did not postpone marriage or childbearing–I didn’t have the option. I should have waited longer than 26 because I ended up getting divorced because after two decades the marriage wasn’t going to work. I am totally without any family–all my family close and extended relatives are dead. People are willing to give me rides to church–a 10 minute walk. They are willing to do good deeds and be a good neighbor and treat me like a welfare project but they are not willing to be friends with me. Here is the catch. I was the on who left my husband and filed for divorce. I had unhappy in-laws who tried to stop me. There are other divorced women in my ward but most of them were dumped by their husbands and had no choice. I made the choice. I couldn’t live with that man.

    • I’m in your same boat. Decide for yourself to be happy and forgive them. Honestly I have found that most people don’t know what to say, so they don’t.

    • I understand also. I left my husband partly due to his inability to keep a job and in large part due to his inability to tell the truth, but mostly because of his habit of constantly criticizing me. I could never measure up as the woman he apparently wanted. I didn’t want a divorce, I just had to get away and rediscover who I was. While I was away he met another woman and married her (yes, we were still married) He sent divorce papers, but I told him I didn’t want a divorce and he said that was no problem. He continued the lies for a year when I finally found out he had actually married this other woman. That’s when I finally went through with the divorce.

      I never saw myself as a divorced woman. I still hate having to face the fact that I am a divorced woman. I have always been a faithful member of the church, all my life, held callings, attended… I even introduced him to the church. Now I find myself struggling to attend, I feel so out of place. Others judge me because I was the one that left. No one seems to understand the emotional and mental wreck I was becoming. The bruises and wounds weren’t visible, therefor they must not exist. So yes, I understand the struggle and the stigma… and yet, as is said in the blog… we keep on breathing. There really is no other choice. We keep on breathing, we try to redifine ourselves… and some days, we just exist. It’s been 6 months now since my divorce was final and I still cry. This post made me cry. I yearn for the day I can think of it and not cry and wonder if that will ever happen… but we keep on breathing, we go to work and life goes on and one day… maybe… life will be happy again.

    • HI Shasta, I’ll be your friend! We can be email buddies! Drop me a line!
      Clara(dot)cann@gmail(dot)com

      I know what it’s like to be friendless and someones welfare project. It’s not okay. I bet we have loads in common! I’d love to get to know you! 🙂
      -Clair

    • I am sorry that people have made you feel this way. I didn’t get married until I was older as well. I am not divorced but I feel so blessed to be in the ward that i am. I live in the south and so many of the members are divorced, single member families, or have some sort of past. I personally have a criminal record and saw in previous wards that I wasn’t given callings because people were afraid to give me them. This ward I have several presidency callings. It really breaks my heart that people can’t see past their fears and judge where it is not their place. In one of my presidencies both the president and first counselor were just divorced and I have felt blessed to see just how supportive my ward has been. Please remember that not everyone and everywhere is going to feel like that. You are a child of god and and are still loved.

      • There is a lot of speculation going on and really no revelation to back it up. Look at Sheri Dew. She is a marvelous woman. I admire her because she won’t settle for any man. I am sure she could have married if she lowered her standards enough. At the age of 20 I was dumb and naive enough to believe anything. I wasted too much time wondering what was wrong with me. Nothing, other than I am a sinner who needs the Atonement.

    • I to filed for divorce. My ex-husband to this day blames me, but, I had to young girls I did not want to grow up thinking abuse was okay. I am so sorry that the Churches failed you!! But, God does love you, so much so that he sent His Son to die for you!! Churches are man made not God made and therefore very flawed!! Don’t turn from God because man failed you!! God Bless You!!
      A child of God!
      Becky

  3. My husband has a very dear friend this happened to. It was earth shattering for him. He is amazing and has always been amazing. Fast forward a few years- he found someone else who had a similar story and was equally amazing. They are now sealed with a sweet daughter and are so happy together. They are a blessing to one another and to everyone around them.
    It will get better.
    I am very familiar with divorce, having grown up with its almost constant presence. The most beautiful, sacred, terrible, heartbreaking thing about marriage is that we give our whole selves to one another, so the choices the other person makes affects us more than any other man or woman has the power to. From this comes, in my opinion, the literal tearing of one’s soul when the other decides to spit upon the promises they made and the one hey made those promises with.
    In the end, only one person can help with true healing, anymore. Please remember Christ. He is the only one who knows your pain, sweet friend. I have watched divorce destroy people, because they were betrayed by mortals and turned from Him. Take His yoke- He has born all your pain, already! His yoke is real! Sometimes I think He has dragged me along in it! Haha! But I have come from the darkest moments of my life stronger because I let Him shoulder the burden. You will come out stronger, too. Even better off; just stay by His side. Love to you, my sweet unknown friend. Just Love.

  4. Thank you so much for sharing this story. I need these reminders from time to time. Our job is really just to lift and love each other. Someone far wiser will do the judging. Hugs!

  5. I left my husband four months ago…. And although I know these stories come.from.a good place, they tear me apart…. I can’t say I was abused. I Dont want to wear that… And I love.him to much to brand him an abuser. But there were thoughts…. And feelings… I knew his behavior was wrong. His anger escalated. I wasnt happy anymore. We weren’t going to church because he felt uncomfortable. I felt so small…. Incomplete and always like I was going crazy. So I left. But I wonder… Did I do right? Was I just wanting out? Was this supossed to be my lot in life?

    • If his anger was directed toward you, then that is emotional abuse. You might want to research different personality disorders (narcissistic, borderline, bi-polar, etc) and see if any of these fit his personality traits. Being able to identify what he is and understand it will help you move on with your own healing and help you to feel better about the decision you made. Hang in there. This was not supposed to be your lot in life, and you can find someone who is kind and will make you happy.

    • This felt like exactly what I went through, except he left me. He chipped away at my self-esteem, personality, compassion, kindness, and ability to forgive until nothing was left…and then HE left because HE wasn’t happy. I filed for divorce the Monday after he moved out and I’ve never looked back. I just wish I had been the one to say “enough is enough”, I wish I had been strong enough to leave before it got as bad as it did, but I can’t change that now, I can only move forward and learn and grow on my own.

  6. Two of the finest women I know are on second marriages. You’d never know it! They married again, to fine men, who have become their true heart-mates. We *are* able to survive heartbreak, and again, experience wonderful joy. Hold on to hope; happiness will come again. Let the Spirit guide you.

  7. This is a nice post. I have also experienced marriage – in the temple; followed by divorce; and then, a few years later – a blessing to marry my husband who is the miracle of my life. (Also in the temple.)

    As a child of divorced parents, I always promised myself that I would never get divorced, then nearly 7 years after marriage (and two daughters), I realized that not only would I be getting a divorce, but that my divorce was the way that Heavenly Father was saving me.

    I have shared my story – of my first marriage, single parenthood, and then meeting “Homey” (My husband) here on my blog. We have now been married 7 years, and it is the most amazing blessing I have ever experienced, still… 🙂 The Lord works in Mysterious ways, but He WILL work. 🙂

  8. Shattered is right and to those who’ve never experienced it, it is like a death. You have to kill off all feelings and emotions for that person to get you thru and back to love, forgiveness and acceptance. It doesn’t matter who left who. It does matter that divorced single mothers have no place in a program designed for couples. (Been in the humiliation of that one at a church function). I had a Bishop in Tempe, Az who announced the happy married families to the ward, but my 2 children and I weren’t and we felt the hurt Sunday after Sunday over the year I was there. Nor was I treated the same as a married person. Zero home teachers allowed, zero visiting teachers even tho I asked repeatedly. This is a serious issue within the church. I’m tired of experiencing it and hearing about it. Anyway, getting back to the article; divorce is an option but keep in mind it only trades one set of problems for another and should be the last or only option. In her case, it’s her only one. I can testify that as you feel as though you are being twisted thru a tornado when going thru a divorce, it is quite miraculous how the Lord turns you right side up to land firmly on your feet. What seems like the end of the world turns out to be the beautiful beginning of a new one and one where the Lord wants you. I can promise you that!

  9. Pingback: Divorce is an option | Colorado Inspired

  10. Thank you. I fled from my abusive husband over 2 years ago, and watched and waited hoping for change. Instead he filed for divorce. It broke my heart, but I have learned that God loves me more than he hates divorce, and he has used my husband’s horrible decision/s to free me from having to live with the consequences of his sinful choices. It’s amazing how He does just what He said he would, and uses everything for our good ❤
    Thank you for your beautiful expression of love in your writing, and for touching my soul tonight. 🙂

  11. Thank you so much for this. Your friend is so blessed to have had you.

    I was abused. I am not ashamed to put that label on what happened to me. It wasn’t until I learned to accept that label that I learned how to rise above it.

    He left me, had been threatening it off and on for years. He escalated when his threats stopped controlling me the way he wanted them to. And when he left that final time, when he continued to abuse me in couples counselling, when he left me with unpaid bills and stole all the money, I filed. Five years after the divorce was final, my experiences with men since haven’t been any more encouraging. He seems happily remarried. There is probably no second marriage and happily ever after for me.

    But, you don’t need a happily ever after to be happy. It is possible to rely on Christ and rise above the cultural expectations. Ultimately, you are responsible only for your relationship with Him. It takes real, gritty faith to believe we are worth far more than a marriage certificate, and that our eternal fate rests only in the hands of our Savior.

    Marriage or no marriage, discipleship is the only way to learn true joy.

  12. This article is beautiful. My parents got divorced when I was seven years old and I watched both my mum and dad adjust and heal after their marriage fell apart. It was hard for them to find their new paths but they managed to. My mum’s strength and determination to provide for us (basically by herself) taught me valuable lessons I have never forgotten. I am eternally grateful for her example.

  13. One of the kindest things God has ever done for me was to let me leave my husband. We were married in the temple, but almost immediately–from the honeymoon–he started making choices that drove us apart. I never imagined I could feel so hurt or broken. Every divorce has a unique story; every divorce has unique pains; every divorce has different victims. But when I realized much of the stigma I felt as a recently married and then recently divorced woman in the Church was what I was putting on every morning before I left the house (I used to call it the “Scarlet D” on my chest). Truth is, people will still love you. There will be people who get it, and people who don’t, and people who will be your friends (and people who won’t). But God is the source of all healing, and you can be ok. Better than ok. You can be happy again. Growing up, divorce was never an option in my world, but I’m glad that it was an option in God’s merciful plan for me. That has been a blessing. And in 2.5 weeks, I’m marrying my real sweetheart in the temple. Things get better.

  14. As a young divorcee myself, I just want to say thank you for being such an amazing friend. My ex-husband cheated on me and got the mistress pregnant, divorce was my only option and after 4 years of marriage I was 22 and filling for divorce, no friends to be found, no one to sit with me in the mess of the peices he left behind and no one to help me through when I needed it the most.

  15. I’ve been there. The emotions I felt while reading this felt so real and brought me back to the day my husband left.. for another woman. The hurt is unbearable but in the end I am grateful it happened. I have been blessed with far more than he could have ever given me.. and that it true love. She will survive and will have more empathy, compassion and love because of the situation.

  16. I can relate to this article and I appreciate the points it’s making. I do want to bring up something (and I do not do this to be controversial because this is something I am seriously pondering…) is would it have been okay for her to choose divorce before her husband left her? And I don’t say this to be critical, but allowing the man to “make the call,” does that, in some way, take the responsibility for the divorce off her hands because she can always say “he left me” and “it’s not what I wanted.”

    I don’t think anyone wants to get divorced.I’ve got to think there’s room for her to make the divorce call and still have a clear conscience before God. I say this because I’m married to a man who is incapable of pulling the trigger on divorce, but is making my life miserable in so many other ways (refuses to address addiction, retreats to man-cave before the kids are in bed, still works with the woman he cheated on me with, hasn’t held a temple recommend in years (and doesn’t really care to), and the list goes on…) I think as long as I know for myself that I have done everything that I could to save my marriage (and that is very personal for each person), we don’t need to feel that we wait for him to pull the plug.

    • Every situation is unique and I agree with your comment that the key is to know that you did everything that you could to save your marriage. 8 1/2 years (and 3 children) into what had started as a fairytale marriage I was struggling. On his good days, my husband was distant and aloof and on his bad days he was manipulative, cruel and unkind. I lived in a confusing world of emotional abuse. I intuitively knew something wasn’t right but could never quite put my finger on what it was. 9 months of counseling ended when he refused to go back saying the counselor was an “idiot” but refusing to tell me what had transpired during his session. One day while reading a blessing I had been given I was prompted by the spirit that my husband and I needed to divorce. I can imagine what some of you are thinking as you read this, because I was thinking the same thing…”What? The spirit wouldn’t prompt me to get a divorce.” My husband was a selfish individual, with mood swings, and had been hurting me, breeching my trust and wearing away at my self-esteem for years prior to this and yet I still had hope that we could make it work. I had not given up. What I did not know (that Heavenly Father apparently did know) was that the deception I had seen was just the “tip of the iceberg”. Beneath the surface, was an individual who had been lying and deceiving me for years. He harbored deep addictions and secrets.
      I still resisted the idea of divorce, but within a matter of weeks he was moving out (unbeknownst to me he had been having an affair) While still hoping for a reconciliation, my home teacher gave me a blessing where I was told that decisions had been made that I had no control over and I was told to move forward in my life and stop looking backward. Since divorce had never been an option in my mind, I had a hard time accepting it but as the weeks and months unfolded I found there were so many levels to his deception, addictions and secrets. Our marriage was a façade that he created to maintain his public image, but that he never fully participated in. Nor had he honored the promises and covenants that he had made. As more of my husband’s secrets came to light, I realized that Heavenly Father was trying to lead me out of a marriage that truly no longer existed. He wanted to spare me further emotional abuse, and damage to my self-esteem. Later, I remember praying and asking why this had happened to me and my 3 children. I felt I had given 500% to the marriage. I remember saying that I believed I had done everything in my power to save my marriage…then I received a sweet confirmation that I had indeed done everything in my power, but a gentle reminder that it takes TWO individuals doing everything in their power. That confirmation was the thing I needed to move forward with a clear conscious knowing I truly had done everything in my power to make my marriage work.

  17. I married an RM who was loved by so many. Described as gentle, honest, very loving towards children, he wanted a large family etc. His hobbies included magician & performing arts. As the children came and time passed, it became harder for him to maintain the illusions and misdirection he was so good at. I learned that sincerity & honesty are two very different things. The kindness was for children he didn’t live with. He deeply resented supporting his family. A long string of lies & deceptions unraveled, multiple times. I learned that my forgiveness did not correlate with his repentance. When we divorced, my choice, he stated that he shouldn’t have to pay child support because I wanted children, he never did. He avoided them, to their hurt. Most people didn’t know he had children. People would ask about the divorce, I said…when a woman with young children leaves her husband, it’s with good reason. At his funeral, paid for & planned by his children, community members spoke of the wonderful & caring man they knew…..

  18. Beautifully written. Made so many memories come back, and some days it was purely remembering to breathe.
    I, too, had an incredible friend help me get through the night mare of a 25 year marriage come to an end because of his addiction choices.
    Thank u for sharing this.

  19. Beautiful article. Thoughtful and heart-wrenching replies.

    Here’s what I’ve learned: Life isn’t what it’s “supposed” to be. Life is what actually happens. And you deal with it. Sometimes we don’t deal with it very well, but eventually we just have to deal with it.

    There definitely needs to be a lot less judging, and a lot more forgiving. And you’re right. We’re all God’s children, no matter what kind of life we ended up with. For my part, I’m working on not judging the “sinners” or the ones who judge the “sinners.” We all need to not be judged.

    Thank you for this.

  20. Thank you for writing this and posting it. I felt I was alone in this type of thinking and feeling. There are people in our world that would say and believe it to be true that its “Your fault for letting bad things happen to You”,especially if its something that reoccurs. But this is not true, I don’t believe it to be. We are all responsible for our own choices and thoughts and feelings. But we have a strong influence on each other and can make a difference in someones lives for the better or worse.

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  22. I have finally left my husband of ten years…I left him for now…hoping he will still be enlightened…divorce is an option, yes…but i am giving him some time to think everything over first before we both decide on that…

    mywordsaremybullets.wordpress.com

  23. My ex husband left me and my 6 month old son for somebody else. I was so devastated, even though we had a very unhealthy relationship. He was emotionally and mentally abusive. I wanted to fight for our marriage and our family and he just threw his arms up and was done. Those were the most painful times in my life, but I’m so happy now! I’m remarried with 4 beautiful children! Divorce is an option and should not be a label.

  24. This is a really great piece and I appreciate you sharing it. I have two very close friends going through divorces at the moment, and while they’re both tragic stories in there own, one friend is having a much harder time. She’s a very religious Christian from a very Christian family and even though she’s made the decision to get out of a deeply toxic relationship it’s been damaging to her faith, especially since her family is very much of the “divorce isn’t an option” mentality. I’m sharing this story with her and I hope it helps her know there are others dealing with the same stigma, but that there are plenty of people who still understand what she’s going through so that she won’t have to go through it alone.

  25. I have been divorced for just about a year now. My ex-husband’s bishop just called today to inform me that my ex wants to marry his new wife in the temple. Since it is allowed, they don’t need to ask my permission and it doesn’t affect my sealing to him (so comforting to know – insert heavy sarcasm-). All the bishop wanted to know is if I had any reason that they shouldn’t be married in the temple. I told the bishop about my husband marrying this woman before we were officially divorced. He told me he knew all about it and that it didn’t matter because they found a law (he lives in Utah) that says that since he thought he was divorced when he got married then the marriage is still valid now that we really are divorced. I told the bishop that he knew we weren’t divorced, that I was living in the house a month before they got married. My husband’s claim was that he didn’t realize the divorce didn’t proceed and the reason it didn’t proceed was because he couldn’t find me to deliver the papers. I was right in front of him!

    I think told him of the many times I told my husband I didn’t want a divorce and how, when i began to suspect, I asked him if he had married this woman and he lied to my face telling me no he hadn’t, that he was just living in her house, in the basement, as a friend. He KNEW he had done wrong. He KNEW he wasn’t divorced and yet he married her anyway and all that happens is the bishop helps him find a loophole to excuse it all. So I’m basically told it’s no big deal because now we are officially divorced and he is legally married to this other woman.

    Then I tell him how my ex isn’t following through on the divorce decree and is blocking me from seeing my daughter. I can’t call her, I can’t text her and she can’t call or text me. He has blocked me from her facebook. She is supposed to spend 3 months out of the year with me and he won’t let her. All the bishop had to say to this was, “Well, they are good people and they do so much good and your daughter seems so happy. I know they are taking good care of her.”

    So basically,… he might as well have not even called to talk to me. It’s going to happen anyway. My lying, cheating husband gets a temple recommend, marries this woman in the temple and even has the bishop going along with it. What ever happened to that question in the temple interview about honesty??

    I have grown up in the church. I have lived my whole life in the church. I have believed, I have served, I have given much time and energy to the church and now I find myself questioning and wondering what it all was for. They can do this kind of manipulation and call themselves honest men. It just doesn’t make sense and it hurts. It makes me rethink ever going back to church. It makes me rethink my involvement in the church at all. It makes me rethink everything I ever learned about our leadership and their inspiration. I have realized even more so that it’s a “good old boys” club and if you are a man you can do what you want and get away with it. Women beware.

    • I’m really sorry to see so much hurt and pain, and even sadder to see how his actions are further hurting your testimony melodilynn. I remember when our stake president told me that he probably wouldn’t be excommunicated. That night really hurt me and I was full of so much anger. But all of this, all of this awful experience has really taught me something about my testimony, about my belief in the Church, and my dependence on Christ. It clarified for me that everyone is flawed, and the church is at the end of the day run by flawed people, how can it be run any other way? People lie all of the time, how many years did my soon to be ex tell Bishops and Stake Presidents he was temple worthy. It will all come out in the end, as they say, God knows and it will be worked out. Sadly, no one, only Christ, is perfect. Please don’t let that distract you from the real beauty of your beliefs. Don’t let him hurt you more! What all of this very very strongly showed me is that only true Joy, true Peace come through my Savior and that relationship. And while my marriage relationship may end, choices may have been made. My relationship with Christ will never end. He will never leave me, and he has held me up through all of this. That the temple, my scriptures all help me have the very personal relationship with Christ, so despite all of the day-to-day irritations that may be present in a church managed by people on this earth, doesn’t mean I should ever give up on it.

    • Melodilynn, I understand your frustration. It is hard to see someone act in such a blatantly dishonest manner and appear to come out shining in the eyes of others. It is hard to watch others turn their eyes aside or disregard your details of his deception. Try to remember that the gospel is perfect, but the people are not. If your ex lies during his recommend interview, that lie will be on his head. The only consolation I can offer is to remind you that in the end your ex will meet his maker and have to face his lies and deceptions, because he may be able to deceive men but he cannot deceive or fool god. Until then, I suggest, as hard as it is, that you let it go and try not to think much about it. Don’t let it harden you or your feelings about the church…or you have given him (and satan) more power over you. Don’t let them be the master of you and your feelings. You can choose to be the master of your life.

  26. This blog post has really touched many people already, and I’ve shared it with friends I know going through this difficult time. Thank you for writing this. It really is beautiful.

  27. I have been divorced three years now after 15 years of marriage and this made me cry like a baby because I can remember how earth shattering this feeling was when my husband walked out. But here I am today, still breathing, still moving forward, and stronger than I ever knew I could be. Most importantly, I’m closer to the Lord because He pulled me through and I found comfort and “forever” with Him.
    Thank you for sharing this and reminding me how REAL the scars are even after so much time has passed. God Bless!

  28. Reblogged this on Caterpillar To Butterfly and commented:
    I wanted to share this with my readers because it has really touched me. I have been divorced now for 3 years after being married to who I thought was my best friend and my forever partner. I have not shed tears over the topic of “divorce” in awhile but this one pulled at my heart strings because I could relate to this in it’s entirety!

  29. So many beautiful thoughts here ladies…Thank you, to all of you. I was touched immensely by each one of you. My prayers are with each one of you as you move forward in your journey. And for those who are recently divorced or separated, I can assure you that the day will come that your divorce will not be the first thing you think of when you arise, or the last thing you think of when you go to bed. Furthermore, I can assure you all that there is “Life after divorce” and it can be a beautiful life. The most important thing is to stay close to your faith. It will be a strength to you and shore you up in difficult times.

  30. I actually feel like it’s really pretty well understood that the idea of “divorce is not an option” of course does NOT apply to situations of abuse. I am going through a divorce, not by my choice, and have felt immense support of my family and friends. Many are friends I have chosen to reach out to, I have even probably made more friends during this time since the divorced was announced then before. I just think that sometimes people choose to feel a stigma, which in some cases may not even really be there at all. I whole-heartedly believe in the phrase “divorce is not an option” (except, obviously in situations of abuse, and a few other extreme situations.)

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